Polyamorously Perverse

Goodbye, At Least For Now....

2008-09-12T07:07:00.002-04:00

There is an arc to all things, whether blogs or relationships, and it looks now as though it is time for us to take a rest from blogging.

Some issues have re-surfaced that require the two of us to retire behind the proscenium and rewrite parts of this comedy. As part of that process, the blog has begun to be a drag on our efforts to bring off a successful rewrite. A life lived in the public spotlight isn't always one that can evolve in the right direction.

To all of you who are looking for guidance or a model for your own troubled relationships, I would caution you: no one else can live your life nor offer you advice. Your course must be charted within your individual hearts.

I took a long hiatus from blogging once before while putting efforts into resurrecting with C. the erotic life we had lost to quotidian demands and the years. If this turns out to be a temporary respite like that one, then I know y'all will be patient and understanding, as you are about the best readers in the whole blogosphere: curious, compassionate, sexy and open-minded, rooting for us to make it, if only because it gives hope to those with unconventional takes on love and marriage.

And if this is really goodbye, then we both want to thank you for all your support and enthusiasm, and yes, anger and outrage, questions, joy and tears. Because words that don't elicit strong emotions are dead words. Whatever we've said, we meant it, and can only hope it has prompted some useful thoughts in your respective brains, and maybe even some good wanking, too.

Sugasm 145

2008-09-11T04:02:00.002-04:00

Wow, one last Sugasm and we make the Top Three (complete with great tits adorned by Chinese characters)!

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #146? Submit a link to your best post of the weekby emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom.

This Week’s Picks

Being Civil
“They couldn’t understand what the appeal of a civil union was for us.”

Clandestine Rendezvous
“He turned around to kiss me and I melted.”

Hotel Sex
“The excitement is too much for both of us”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
You Can’t Make This Shit Up, Part 2

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Let’s Pretend…
Masturbaticon I
Our Peculiar Erotica
“Pay No Attention To That Man Behind The Curtain”
Taking Charge of Your Own Pleasure
Tease and Denial: In Defense of Subtlety
Things that make you go Mmmmmm

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Babygate Continues!
Vibrators of the Future

Sex Work
Pillow Humping Cam Pussy

BDSM & Fetish
Arms to the sky
Beads
brock’s Last Task
My surprise for Daddy
Naughty, Naughty…Nice
The New Pet (fiction)
A proper thank you
The Runaround.
Welcome to Kinky Sex Link

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Bare back HNT
HNT - Stripping for the Bath Brush - F/m Spanking Pic
Sasha Grey (NewNudeCity)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
8:55 - On My Way…
Asian massage parlors
Awakening
Brains in her cunt
The “Ex-Pat” Love [2nd. Revision]
Fantasy Friday: Lips Like Sugar
Hausfrau
In the Early Morning Darkness
Not Quite Poetry
On the Back of a Motorcycle
Release
Your first time with me

Domination & Submission

2008-09-10T03:38:00.000-04:00

This post by the seductive Madame Dragonfly brings me back to the notion of domination and submission. C. likes me to spank her from time to time, yet we have a flail that stays in the toy box too often. I never think of it, I'm not a great Dom in that respect.

But I am very attuned to the BDSM underpinnings of desire in general and my own sexuality in particular.

Basically, I'm a emotional poly switch.

I want to dominate my lovers, forcing them to my will.

At the same time, I want them to dominate me. I would like nothing better than for C. to take a lover and fuck him without me. It would hurt me. Probably a lot. I adore watching her have sex with lovers of both genders, and she has put behind her the MFMs we used to do together in favor of FMFs with the Strawberry Slut and an open offer for me to have my own GF or two. I have demurred for several reasons, most pointedly of which is that I simply have no erotic trigger on my own.

I like meeting the Slut very much for some hot monkey sex, but we're not going to be a real GF and BF for a variety of reasons. I'm not even going to try to persuade her to go bareback. It's NSA sex from all I can see.

C. has made it plain she finds sex with other men uninteresting and doesn't usually orgasm with them. So one of my favorite pleasures is off the table.

There is another factor at play here: the guilt I feel for insisting on non-monogamy. C. has said that I relentlessly pressured her to change and change quickly; that my threats to leave her if she didn't "compromise" made her angry and resentful. A resentment that occasionally spills over when times are stressful. According to C, the best "revenge" would be for her to sleep with another man and never even tell me about it.

Spoken like the true daughter of Italy she is.

One night she asked me if it just wouldn't be better if she took a lover, since I appear to need it so nakedly. I had no answer, the implications of the question too fraught and weighted with complexity and my own heavy desires. Do I want her to "yield" to my desires? Am I expiating my many sins by having her "hurt" me? I may not want anyone to bite my nipples or paddle my ass, but that doesn't mean I won't respond to a little domination.

The question has no easy answer. I crave her to be sexual, highly sexual, multiply partnered and "dirty." Finding the right compromise is still a challenge for us almost three years later.

The human being is such a complex animal.

Schedules & Polyamory

2008-09-09T08:23:00.002-04:00

One of the things I hear often from polys is the problem of scheduling.

For example, your spouse/lover has a date, so it's nice if you have one, too.
No date? Bummer.

The problem is, the more people involved, the more potential for things NOT to work out. I'm going to be in Florida at a luxury hotel in two weeks, and I asked the Strawberry Slut to accompany me. C. has a business reception to go to for that night somewhere in the Big City, and so I decided I'd had enough of eating and sleeping alone on trips. I had invited C. to go with me, but because she's been there so much lately, it would be "déjà vu all over again" for her, and so she suggested I take the SS. Unfortunately, SS has a work conflict and can't take up my offer. She's seriously bummed about it, but the bottom line for me is I'll be bouncing around in the room alone again.

C. says she doesn't mind if I date someone else "like you so desperately wanted in the beginning." Unfortunately, I'm now not that interested in dating another woman any more. I've not only changed from two years ago when that post was written, but my needs are more about doing things with my "partner in crime." So dating? No. That promotes things away from our relationship.

Fucking, yes.

Long time readers know that I'd much rather C. date someone else alone. I'm the type who wants to wait at home to hear the salacious details, whereas she's just as likely to get no sleep and be agitated by my being out if it was a real relationship date (as opposed to just a fuck date). BITD when we were first married, she would cry all night when I went out with someone else, and I have no desire to put her through that again.

And really, I'm much more interested in focusing on her. Mmmm, a nice MFM with another dude would be just what the relationship doctor ordered for me. I've even asked her to put up an AFF or Ashley-Madison profile, both for the sheer frisson of seeing her on the market, and also to find out what Karma might toss up on our shore. I know getting her to put up a profile for herself will never happen. She's content with just me, happy with our sex life, and averse to the inevitable drama that comes with adding another person to one's life (unless it's just NSA sex, and she's not into that much any longer).

What a conundrum she can be.

But I digress.

What I want now, and what C. wants are often very different. So in this case, schedules suck and I'll be alone in Miami.

Unless I have any sexy volunteers....

Here Comes the Bride!

2008-09-08T07:15:00.002-04:00

I have nothing against marriage - especially if the bride wears white as in the photo above (sent to me by, who else? the Little Witch)....

After all, C. and I have been happily-married, more or less, for a very long time.

Yet I would not wish to re-marry should we break up or if she died. For one thing, I doubt seriously I could find a wife who'd be comfortable in a marriage with a stone pervert like me. Marriage involves a certain notion of exclusivity, and as this blog attests, I have no interest in, nor capacity for sexual exclusivity. At this point, I am not even comfortable with emotional exclusivity. For one thing, it means the other person is dependent on me, and I'm not going to be around forever. So better that C. or anyone else not be left "holding the bag" emotionally should I die suddenly, as several friends and acquaintances have in the past year.

And I wouldn't want non-monogomy just for myself either. Though I have had a few "hall passes" lately - I don't want C. or the Little Witch or the Strawberry Slut or, for that matter, any woman I'm involved with seeing only me. It's not just a matter of allowing them to have the same freedom to fuck as I currently enjoy. No, it's also my preference that the women in my life be sexually available to others, promiscuous and literally "dirty." Used pussy is a good thing in my opinion. Cum-stained underwear is vastly under-appreciated and rare in our world of safe sex and condoms.

Used pussy turns me on. There's a huge rush at the thought that my cock is resting inside a cunt that recently was being fucked by someone else. One of the highs of our MFM trios last year was finishing C. off after he'd had his way with her. I still get short of breath recalling the men who have stripped her naked and fucked her mouth and pussy. I also imagine the softness and wetness he enjoyed in my place just moments or hours or days earlier.

Why would I want to share C. with other men? I have at various times called C. "a great piece of ass," "eminently fuckable," and "a creamy center," meaning not just that she's good in the sack, but also that it's a really amazing experience fucking her, and I enjoy the thought that others would get to fondle her natural tits, caress her lovely ass and, yes, penetrate her in every possible way.

We men love validation, and nothing swells my pride (and my cock) like watching another man's eyes wander over C's cleavage or imagine what that tattoo points to.

Beyond validation, though, is a very strong urge to pass her around.
A gang bang? Hiring someone to seduce her? Having someone force himself on her while I watched? All the above please! For me, nothing it seems is too base or vile. Though I would never follow through on such forced sex, it does percolate up through my sodden brain. It's important, though, to differentiate between desire and reality; I would never deliberately hurt C. in any fashion, and would prefer she simply walked away from me if that came to pass.

I know if you got me on the psychiatrist's couch and did some extensive analysis, you might find all sorts of components to my desires, including latent bisexual instincts (she fucks him as my surrogate), self-esteem issues (I deserve to be "punished" for the bad things I've done in my life), and even BDSM impulses. I've written often how dominance and submission are a key component of sexual and emotional attraction, something the BDSM crowd simply makes manifest in their Theater of Cruelty, but which underpins even most vanilla sex. Don't we all really want our lover to pine for us when we're apart? We wouldn't dream of saying "oh, go fuck anyone while I'm gone," or "it's OK to go out and have a good time in my absense."

After all, isn't desire the postponement of pleasure, and flirting a way of extending out the play aspect of sexuality? We flirt, not just to get someone into bed, but to heighten the anticipation and enhance the achievement of our own erotic goals. I think it's why women are so much better at the dance of desire than men: they enjoy the build-up, knowing that in most cases, its denouement is entirely in their control. A woman doesn't worry whether she's going to get lucky, the outcome is as pre-determined as one of those World Wrestling Federation bouts.

I know, they're real, right?

The flip side of that control inflames my desires, too. Isn't the thought of persuading, even manipulating another person into doing my sexual bidding intoxicating? The Little Witch has fantasized about being my GF if something happened to C. and I've told her flat-out I wouldn't consider it unless she had one of her Fit Lads available for periodic fucking. I don't want the pressure of having to keep her needs met, preferring that sexual gratification now be something mutual and desired, not some chore or requirement arising out of exclusivity. The ads in the swinger sites for "men who can do it all night" make me yawn. Let's enjoy our time together, not turn it into Horizontal Iron Man Triathlon.

But at its primal core, my desire is simply non-verbal and total lust, a reptilian impulse to couple with a totally dirty slut, one who is not above having sex with anything that catches her eye. When I was young, I was too serious and sincere for my own good. A classmate once invited me to a lecture at the Sexual Freedom League, and I chickened out. A wuss? Definitely. A girlfriend in college later threw me over for a former boyfriend who cheated on her and made her feel like dirt.

And at its most primal, our society envies and admires the total slut, seeing her as the personification of a sexual athleticism most of us simply dream about. Porn stars can seemingly fuck for hours, days, with multiple partners, while the average man or woman is lucky to get off with a new lover. Great sex with a first-time partner? Rare in my experience. Yet the media and our own overheated imaginations convince us she exists.

The promiscuous, imperious dirty girl most definitely is not C., who, unfortunately is constitutionally monogamous. So in the Bizarro World inverted logic of lust, her classy nature only fuels the fires of my dirty lust.
Wouldn't it be delicious to see her a prisoner of her own desires for another man, sucking his cock, swallowing his cum whenever he or I wanted her to, acting out the degradation and even enslavement that is a component of my crazy love?

Ours most certainly is a crazy love. We fight hard and sometimes make-up with sex, though as the years have gone by, the making up is more complex. Lately I've thought it would be better if C. had a FWB for after we quarrel. Fucking him would the break the tension, inflame my cock, and hasten the make-up. Or at least ensure it is more interesting for me. She says I'm a "drama queen in drag" who needs Sturm und Drang (storm and stress) to fend off my persistent psychic and sexual boredom.

She would never take my advice for a FWB and put up a profile on AFF. So finding some path through the psychic forest remains a challenge for me. Perhaps I'll get lucky and she'll meet someone like Dieter (from Back In The Day) who'll sweep her off her feet and precipitate the kind of hopeless lust and irresistible desire that would make our own sexuality a dance of cruelty, flirtation, gratification and even pain for me.

C. insists she won't do this, that fucking someone as "punishment" would simply be giving me what I want and not be punishment at all.

Yes and no. Sometimes what we want is a spanking, sometimes what we need is a whipping, sometimes what we get is a deep and stinging wound, whether the flail leaves real marks or psychic ones.

There's Big and Then There's TOO Big....

2008-09-05T07:58:00.000-04:00

As regular readers already know, I'm a "tit man." I like them big. But the above video (sent by the Little Witch, who likes to torment me with what she calls "filth") is waaaay over the line for me. I mean nothing against the young lady with the huge knockers, just saying that's too big for me.

Though I have a friend who insists they can never be too big.

Since this is Labor Day, let anyone who's not out cooking food or watching baseball "labor" at this video.

A Hot Song

2008-09-04T07:07:00.001-04:00

What pervert can resist a song called "This Sex Is On Fire"?

I Don't Get It, But Here Goes....

2008-09-03T07:09:00.000-04:00

I'm in Miami, perhaps enjoying a hall pass (more on that later), so enjoy this post:

I'm not sure how the creators of Web content make money, but there's no denying the Internet has freed a tsunami of creativity which would never find a place on conventional TV or movies. This video is funny and worth watching, not only because a friend of mine had a long-term relationship with a Catholic priest, but because Eden Riegel, the star, is one hot babe. The priest is pretty hot, too, which is the visual punchline. Anyone know anything about this "web series"? Here is Eden and two of her friends:

Sorry, ladies and perverts, she's married. But she did play a lesbian on "All My Children"!

Cheating in Cyberspace

2008-09-02T07:51:00.000-04:00

Photo courtesy of Anthony Koeslag. It perfectly expresses C.'s feelings about computers.

The Little Witch got me to thinking about cybersex and cheating by passing on this post from Violet Blue. Is it really cheating if the sex is only virtual?

Before we embraced non-monogamy, C. was often justifiably jealous of the time I spent trolling the Internet and the "chicas" I became friends with. She rightly observed that I spent a large portion of each day and evening either writing or trolling. I can't summarize what I did very easily since it was a mixture of many impulses: The urge to find others like me so that I did not seem like a total "sex freak." The desire to connect with others interested in sex play. An urge to find sexual things to do like Babeland's Erotic Wine Tasting that the Strawberry Slut has invited us to - would love to watch wine being "tasted" from her beautiful nipples....

But I digress.

The real "issue" with cybersex is not the wanking off that goes on, but the time away from the spouse or SO. And that depends on the arrangement the couple has about sharing time. C. has urged me to have my own GF, but just as I've wished a BF (or at least Friend With Benefits) for her, neither of us is particularly inclined to spend large chunks of time apart with others. It's not the sex, it's the intimacy.

And the secrecy. If you're keeping what you're doing from your lover, then it's crossing a line, at least according to the VB article referenced above.

Now, if C. were inclined to wank off on-line, I'd have no issues with that. None. But then, I have no issues with her having ANY kind of sex or even intimacy if it makes her happy. I am away this weekend in Boston, so if she has intimate moments with Mr. Hitachi or Mr. Right Now, I'm fine with that. In fact, the more often she comes, the better the sex between us. I wish she'd have sex with others just to keep her running for me like a fine machine.

A fucking machine.

(We're away until next week for the Labor Day holiday here in the States. Please come back on Tuesday for more perversity)

Finding Great Tits

2008-08-27T07:16:00.004-04:00

It's time to do another "shout out" to some of our fans. Sadly I'm not REALLY bisexual (just like it when I know C. is fucking another guy, her pussy feels so dirty and slutty around my cock), so I don't have pretty-boy or hunky male fans here showing off their attributes. Forgive me, then, if I spend today looking at the ladies who have posted great tits on their blogs.

kinkerbelle

She's got a great pair AND the pale, lovely and creamy skin of a redhead (see main photo above, as well). Her blog is a slick, teasing foray into BDSM designed to draw in the hardcore blogger AND the casual fan. While not really a candidate for whips, chains and ball gags, I certainly wouldn't mind watching a Dom work her over. And if she's looking for just a good old-fashioned fucking from an older man, well....

La petite dévergondée:

French for "the little slut," la petite dévergondée also means a 20-something bisexual pervert who spends her free time fucking, thinking about fucking, and writing about fucking with verve and panache. She also likes to post provocative photos of her luscious body, including a great pair of tits with the proverbial pearl necklace. She's too smart and worldly not to know the visual pun she created, which is just one of many reasons for checking her blog out.

Roxy

The charming thing about Roxy is she doesn't know how sexy she really is, nor that she's really a D cup. Hard to find a sex blogger who isn't so full of herself that you want to gag (and I don't mean "ball gag" either). Roxy is refreshingly honest and sincere, sort of like a sexy blond schoolgirl who happens to live next door and who leaves her curtains open at night when she disrobes and masturbates with her vibrator.

Ambient Storm

For you ladies who enjoy cock stories, Storm's the hottest I've read next to the old Juno. We talk off-line, and flirt about my coming to Chicago and having lunch or dinner sometime, but I frankly doubt I could keep up with her brigade of young studs. She's the prototypical MILF, and from the side boob photo above, you can see why they line up to bed down this sexually voracious slut.

The pleasurist

Not strictly speaking a sex blogger, The Pleasurist is a blog supporting the venerable sex shop The Pleasure Chest. It has been around since the days of Plato's Retreat in an era before Herpes and AIDS, flogging (if you don't mind the pun) a wide variety of lubes, toys and sex devices. I believe the young lady on the right in the photo above is named Molly, and the picture comes from the Flickr account supporting the blog. Browse those photos, by the way.

Sulpicia

And not to leave out a nice pair of smaller tits attached to a great ass (see photo below), there's Sulpicia. Working her way out of a divorce, we'd love to pick her up on the rebound, since C. has always been more interested in girls with boyish asses, and Sulpicia has one of the best ones I've seen in awhile. She's definitely unicorn material in my estimation, but unfortunately lives in the Great White North. Gak! Nothing against Canadia, but why can't more of y'all be located in the Big City? Oh, yeah, that would mean you'd likely be in the NY Sex Bloggers Mafia. No thanks.

But finally, no posting about lovely tits would be complete without the Little Witch.

If you think you're a candidate for a future "Great Tits" post, please email me a photo and I'll put you in the queue. I'm also open to a post on "Superb Asses" if I get some yummy photos.

We've Been Spanked!

2008-08-25T07:17:00.003-04:00

Well, aside from a psycho letter writer telling me I'm a "bully" and a "git" (precious Brit slang tells me my correspondent lives on the British Isles), we've been awarded the Spanking Blogger Award by Mr. Yu, whose lovely banner is one of the more famous erotic paintings, this one called "Sleep" by Gustave Courbet:

Since we're supposed to "tag" others and give them the award, I nominate the Little Witch, Roxy of the Excellent Tits AND Ass, Madame Dragonfly, la petite dévergondée and Z. I challenge each of you to look them up on my blogroll instead of my coding in the HTML.

I Am NOT Thinking About Sex!!!

2008-08-24T06:51:00.000-04:00

The wicked Luka, asked for a Booby....

The famous "Blue-footed Booby," perhaps from overstimulation due to a foot fetish....

Enough silliness, we'll return to hard-core Angst tomorrow....

Missing in Action

2008-08-22T07:40:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch has a horror that we might just disappear someday.

Apparently it happened with a blogger friend once before. They emailed every day, then one fine morning, he stopped emailing and simply was gone. She's worried that because the three of us are close (someone tagged her as our SO, since she's more than just a friend to us both), we could just leave her flat. I can't forsee it ever happening, since she's a dear friend who sticks up for me and is always there for us.

But I understand her concern. Blogs go suddenly dark, people recoil from the rough-and-tumble of public sex stories, prying stalkers, nasty commenters, or the risk of exposure. Jefferson's recent problems are a good example: one of the more popular (and better-written) sex blogs just disappeared overnight because of his legal problems after his ex-wife discovered him "hiding in plain sight."

I've seen it on a personal basis, too. Ravenous was one of those Internet crushes, a delicious writer with a sexy personality. I thought something might come of it all, but alas, she just stopped emailing one day. I'm sure there's a good reason, whether the demands of real life (she wants to be a lawyer, so that's two full-time jobs in itself), has two marvelous children who are the center of her life, and maybe met someone whose needs preclude flirting with cyber-FWBs.

But that doesn't mean I don't wonder at times. Life is so impermanent, no less so in the blogosphere.

Who Says I Think About Just Sex?

2008-08-21T07:12:00.000-04:00

Hey, I am getting arty with my illustrations. Not just tits and cocks, right?

The bird above is called a New Zealand Shag.

'Nuf said.

Hotel Sex

2008-08-20T07:45:00.000-04:00

There's nothing can compare with hotel sex.

I have imagined this scenario for quite some time: You arrive at my room dressed for the occasion. Perhaps a halter top or light Summer dress over the barest of panties and maybe even no bra? You are shy and hesitant at first, I can understand your hesitation, this is new and in a place you've never been before. I'm glad it's a hotel I know, to keep my own anxieties at bay - always a factor in fucking.

It's a large room, a suite really, so the bed is discretely out-of-sight. I offer you a drink and you flounce onto the couch, your dress riding up enough to reveal your shapely legs. My imagination begins to wonder what you look like without the dress, but I keep my desires in control for now. You take the drink, play with it, and then before either of us is quite prepared, our mouths find one another and we're pulling the other to us.

I kiss well, C. has taught me how; I have no doubts I can arouse your interest. I don't rush things, don't open my mouth too far, and I'm glad to see you don't either. Some lovers won't take any direction, they fumble and overplay their hand. I can feel your desire as your breath becomes more shallow and quicker, and allow my hands to move up to your lovely breasts, gently rubbing them beneath the fabric. C. is my template for seduction, and she always prefers things to go slowly, through the clothing, no rush to disrobe.

We continue our kissing, and now I am pushing your skirt up. A lovely pair of boy shorts, so flattering to your nice ass. I slip one finger beneath the read edge's elastic and run it along the curve of your ass. You wondered if I like a woman with curves, and of course, I do. The kissing reaching a desperate intensity, I allow that same finger to slide into your pussy. It's soaking.

Like an experienced maestro, I bring the orchestra to a crescendo, your body shuddering with powerful orgasms. One, two, then a third, only when they pass do we move into the bedroom. You pull your dress off over your head, your eagerness is so arousing. My cock is pushing against my clothes and I can barely wait for its release. You slide under the covers coquette-like. Women of any age are often shy and demure before sucking a man's hardness, and you are ready to have a go at mine.

But I have no interest in your sucking me, I slip on a sheath and am in you before you can do more than yelp in surprise, my powerful thrusts bringing you to more climaxes. The excitement is too much for both of us, and I quickly come. But we have the room all night, and there will be time for more fucking before my morning meeting and flight home to share the details with my naughty cheerleader who eggs me on.

Polyamorously Adverse

2008-08-19T06:59:00.000-04:00

For those of you who found this recent controversy about underage models as precious and silly as we did, here is the ne plus ultra in satire.

A mirror blog as hilarious as it is spot-on, replete with its own photo controversy (reproduced above). Leave it to the Brits to see the satire in things. Brava, Luka, darling!

Would Someone Please Take C. Into the Back Seat & Fuck Her?

2008-08-18T07:52:00.000-04:00

This photo reminded me of a scenario we never did: meeting some guy in a bar, and then going for a ride with the two of us taking turns fucking C. in the back seat while the other drove.

So many perversions, so little time....

Safe Sex

2008-08-16T00:03:00.001-04:00

One of you suggested a female condom as a way to pretend to have bareback, and I thought this demo video worth sharing. Anyone one of y'all ever tried it? And if you read this, you may be surprised to learn it's more effective than the male condom in preventing the spread of skin-to-skin STIs like Herpes.

Nymphs & Unicorns

2008-08-15T07:05:00.006-04:00

One of my favorite topics for reflection is the absurdity of human relationships.

We all know of couples who are somehow mismatched: he's into BDSM, she like vanilla sex. She is ready to fuck anything that moves, he wants to have sex twice a year. She's in love with him, but he can't stop thinking about another woman he had a fling with in San Francisco three months ago.

A friend of ours was in a relationship with a man living in another city. She identifies as polyamorous, but is still hoping to find a strong primary lover, one who will be as committed to her as she is to him. The long-distance paramour was fairly ardent, but not ready to make any kind of declaration of love. I'm sure you've all heard about similar experiences, even if you're happily, monogamously married.

I raise the point because I often have to stop and consider what I have and what it is I want. C. & I have an easy sexuality that occasionally includes others. The connections are inevitably somewhat shallow and superficial. The "theater" of lust played out in public with new partners fuels great sex between C. and me, but it leaves the build-up sometimes lacking in some undefinable je ne sais quoi. Of course, the polys would likely laugh and say "you need to fall in love." Well, I have.

With C.

Yet even a casual sexual liaison means the mind is engaged with that lover on some level, and accepting the interaction between us involves some re-thinking of priorities. What can you ask of a partner when it's "no strings attached"? Is "fluid bonding" appropriate? One swinger couple we know has decided to go the route of bareback since the women already play without dental dams or precautions, and both have sucked the other man's cock and swallowed the results.

In theory, we have no claim to our partners. But my own desires care nothing for such logic, pushing me into directions I have no rational control over.

Just ask C. about my long-term desire to farm her out to another lover.

Sexual desire is like that: it's why people in happy, stable marriages commit adultery, sometimes with the most inappropriate, mismatched strangers. We look on their actions and say "what were they possibly thinking?" failing to realize that thought had nothing to do with it. If we could control our sexual urges, the world would be free of pedophiles and probably half of the gays and lesbians would turn straight simply to escape the prejudice and persecution many suffer in countries like Saudi Arabia, where a homosexual man risks decapitation.

A more-perfect compromise would be to bring the Little Witch into our bed, but distance keeps that possibility in the realm of fantasy. And so the merry-go-round of lust and longing means that many of us, including myself, must grapple with occasionally dark thoughts and often irrational impulses.

I hope I don't seem intemperate with my words, nor this seem like a complaint. While the birth of this blog was a need to purge my pent-up frustrations, this post is really an exploration of boundaries in the world of non-monogamy. Even married couples have limits with each other, so we're treading somewhat new territory.

Should I be grateful for the lovers we have? Of course, though it just doesn't work that way in matters of the heart and cock. Perhaps someone reading this will be encouraged to reach out and find her own place in our bed?

In the interim, I craft imperfect compromises. Yet at least my compromise with C. is as close to perfection as any man is entitled to be. That realization makes every day a happy one for me, at least on the most profound and satisfying levels.

Still, my demons rage inside me, hoping for an opening to exploit and conquer my equilibrium. I resist with what tools my conscious mind can imperfectly bring to bear.

We Now Return You to Your Regular Filth....

2008-08-14T07:34:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it surprises me how carnal desire can come over humans.

This morning I awoke thinking how much I want to fuck the Strawberry Slut. She's away in another city for two weeks, so we're on our own. But sex with her is delicious, and I craved it with a wild intensity that surprised me. I often go along as the mild-mannered business executive who negotiates deals and writes intelligent things about relationships.

Then I think how superb it would be to come inside her without a condom, then have C. lick the juices from the three of us off my cock. My urges are pure, naked "filth" as the Little Witch could call it (whose big tits I'd like to fondle as I fuck her from behind). I'm almost embarrassed by the abrupt intensity of these cravings, pushing against my rational mind like a hard-on pushing into her pussy after I've brought C. to orgasm first. I like moving between my two lovers, and no condoms would mean I could "switch gears" in moments, instead of peeling off the condom or putting one on. The abrupt outburst of carnality surprised me, almost like when I can't hold back and come quickly after entering. I don't do that often, but sometimes C. likes it when I am "overcome."

But bareback has emotional connotations for the SS, and unfortunately that isn't going to happen. So my outburst of intense sexuality is no more meaningful than any other physical urge. I feel sheepish confessing my desires in public. But that's what this blog has always been about. Perhaps there are other readers who might be interested in more than a virtual connection with us?

Hey, words can be seductive....

Who The Fuck Are YOU?!?! (from a "silly little man")

2008-08-13T07:48:00.004-04:00

One of the interesting things about this controversy was how some readers wanted to "parse" me.

Generally the "discussion" (when there was actually more than personal vitriol) divided itself into two groups: those who agreed with my criticism of another blogger's usage of a questionable photo, and those who said, even if I was right about what I said, that I shouldn't call out another blogger.

Why not?

Where does it say in the "Blogger Constitution" that a writer is required to support other writers' actions, even if they think that person is wrong?

Oh, I forgot, there IS NO BLOGGER CONSTITUTION!!!

One of you wrote (anonymously of course) "you have created a chasm among bloggers now. Are you happy? Do you think you’re king?" Aside from the fact that those are fairly silly sentences all strung together...aside from that... If I have created a "chasm" among bloggers, that's giving me & this small blog waaaay more power than really has.

Actually, this criticism is thrown about often across various blogs, so I'm in good company. We're not some big happy family of writers here, and it would get awfully boring if all we ever did was pat one another on the back. Other bloggers have written about me (positively AND negatively), and I take my lumps with as much grace and understanding as I can. With public expression comes the possibility of criticism. I'm a big boy, and I should be able to take it.

The fact that I write about sex and relationships doesn't mean I would be comfortable supporting any and all sex bloggers. The fact that I have whores for friends doesn't mean I condone all aspects of commercial sex. A blog about whoring in Thailand (where prostitutes are often very under age and the government turns a blind eye to it all) would prompt my condemnation. I have trod the back alleys of Taipei's night market and seen its child prostitutes, so I know what I'm talking about.

Yet I would fight to the death for any blogger's right to say what they want. My belief in the salutary benefits of free speech, though, means I don't have to sit quietly by if someone is doing something I think is wrong. It's easy to have free speech if we only have speech we agree with.

What system of morality do I use? And who am I, as someone practicing an "alternative" lifestyle, to criticize others? I have the same system most people have -- a personal system of values that works for me based on experience and my personal viewpoint. It excludes hurting others and doing things that encourage others to do wrong. That C. and I would be subject to the condemnation of others for the way we live is readily apparent to me, but again, what does that have to do with my questioning another writer's actions?

That same commenter declares: "Did you write your post for increased comments and traffic or because you 'really' felt upset by the image. I’m more inclined to lean toward the former. To me, you’re a silly little man who just can’t find the decency to admit that you stepped over the line."

Pretty moral stuff from someone who hasn't the guts to sign their name, even with a pretend "nom de blog." C. laughed heartily reading the "silly little man" part.

I don't care about comments or traffic. If I did, I'd still be submitting to Sugasm. I don't even manage my links on referral sites like Cunning Linguists. I admit I was dazzled by all the readers we got at first, and I still enjoy it on some "silly" level each time we pass another 100,000 hits. But blog traffic doesn't mean squat to us. We don't get paid by the hit, don't take advertising, don't expect to make anything from this site.

Cyrano Q at least has the guts to sign his name:

This isn't the first time, in my opinion, you've done this, and I don't think it's appropriate. Apart from the questions that will inevitably be asked about your credentials for having such a role (and believe me, in the real world, given your lifestyle, they would be legion), the people you're talking to don't like it. We blog because it's one of the few places some of us can truly express ourselves, and although no-one objects to having to justify their position of something, we're not prepared to stand by and watch what sometimes appears to be a complete character assassination.

Uh, I don't see myself as anything other than another blogger who writes about the things that interest me. But no, this isn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last I'll speak up if something annoys me. My interest in a topic may be positive or negative, and if you like what you read here, then please continue dropping by. If you don't, well, no one is forcing you to come here and read what I have to say. I'm not at all convinced that "the people you're talking to don't like it." We're hearing mostly from the boisterous and the "outraged," who very likely are chasing off anyone who might agree. Taking my side requires a good deal of bravery at this point, lest it invite the same kind of invective and cyber-stalking we've seen here from people who aren't even regular readers. But if the majority "don't like it" as Cyrano insists, then they don't have to come back.

As for a "complete character assassination"? Oh, Cyrano, you need to get some perspective. I objected to another blogger's flogging underage porn. As a few of you "got" when reading my original post, I don't CARE whether the models are, strictly speaking "legal." But dealing with the question of documentation for a moment, I might point out that China insists its tiny women gymnasts are all of legal age, though few in the sports world believe it. Why should we assume that models from foreign sites are really of legal age, especially on a porn site that flaunts its "barely legal, wink, wink" subject matter?

Faking documents is easy enough to do (hence my tongue-in-cheek Osama bin Laden drivers license). Yet even if the models ARE legal, the goal of that photo is to make us think they're not REALLY legal. In other words, the intent is to appeal to the same instincts that inform kiddie porn.

There, I've said it again.

A character assassination would be if I said someone was a bad person or that they behaved immorally. That's very different from saying I think what they're doing crosses a certain line and I object to it. If you're a Bush supporter, I object to that, so does that make my criticism some kind of character assassination? Puh-leeeeze.

So to answer the question in the title: I am simply me, it's my blog, and I can write about whatever I want. And I will continue doing so, whether anyone comes here to read or not. Whatever you think of me or my writing, it's genuine, non-commercial and I hope well-written. It's no accident I chose the nom-de-blog of one of America's revolutionary firebrands. I hope something I say will stimulate you, inspire thought or discussion, and maybe even piss you off enough to engage your mind.

Sadly (since I love a good argument) too many commenters can't tell the difference between a spirited debate and mud wrestling - though I must say the mud wrestler above has a lovely ass reminding me of C. (Would you think about entering a mud wrestling contest, Darling, so I can watch?)

So, for that reason (& that reason ONLY), I have turned off comments for this post, and will delete any comments to other posts that continue in the "your mama wears Army boots" mode.

This is the last word on the matter. And, since it's my blog, I get to have it.

We Should Help Jefferson

2008-08-12T07:29:00.012-04:00

I'm actually coming to the aid of one of Viviane's paramours today: Jefferson.

I know, some of you are convinced I was critical of Viviane because of something personal. Nothing I can say will change that conviction, so I'll just say it's my blog, and I can be inconsistent if I want to....

According to the post cited above (sent to me by the Little Witch), Jefferson's ex-wife is suing him for sole custody of their children because she thinks his penchant for multiple lovers in general and his bisexuality in particular make him an unfit father. Jefferson has written eloquently and warmly about his kids on his blog (now closed to all but invited guests). Apparently the ex discovered it and is using his descriptions about sex with both genders as a weapon to take away his children. I know nothing about how he ended up with custody in the first place, other than his account of how his ex abruptly moved out on the family. He writes sweetly about his love for his children and anyone can see he seems to be a caring and devoted father.

Since I like full disclosure - even if it sometimes muddies the waters - I should point out I have no personal knowledge of the man or his family life, and have never met him. If Viviane and his friends say it's true, I will accept them at their word.

I should also mention I have written about Jefferson before. And the vitriolic defense from his "pussy posse," along with his claim I was "stalking" his blog, surprised and amused both C. and me. He evidently has a certain charisma in the demi-monde of NYC, and his admirers are ready to take up his cause very quickly. Though, like all writers (read: "humans), he has his dissenters: Dacia Ray, herself no prude, writes about an apparent a problem with alcohol, and a general recklessness that allowed Jefferson's ex-wife to learn the details of his sex life from his blog.

Sound familiar?

I am saddened to see that Dacia's post has exposed her to the same kind of gang hysteria we saw here last week. But while her observations are interesting and valid as a personal narrative, they are peripheral to the question of whether the world should or should not come to Jefferson's legal aid. The man may be a personal mess and maybe not even someone C. and I would want to have dinner with, but that doesn't give his ex the right to use his sexual orientation and his blog against him, unless she can prove he's unfit to care for their kids. I doubt greatly that he brings his playmates home for orgies when the children are there. I'm sure there's a clear and clean divide between his "dad time" and his personal time and that his conduct does not expose them to inherent risk. C & I never play at home because our children don't need to know about their parents' alternative sexuality. When they were younger, it would've been disturbing. As teens, it would be just plain gross to them. After all, they don't even want to see us kissing!

And while it may be "creepy" to some that he writes about his love for his kids in a sex blog, maybe he's just more open about his life than we're accustomed to? Yet it's our perception of Jefferson's lifestyle that will count more than its substance. The fact that he's openly bisexual will likely (and unfortunately) hurt him in court, even though it does not put his kids at any risk. Gay parents successfully raise kids all the time, often robustly heterosexual ones, so if, as a society, we're afraid gay parents will "recruit" their children to "play for the other team", then I should point out how studies actually show that the opposite is true. And anyone with teenagers knows that kids tend to go the opposite way of their parents anyway! If a gay or bisexual parent is unfit, then so are single parents. The 1950's-style "nuclear family" is a mythical ideal, but as all those with dysfunctional parents can attest, it's no guarantee of well-adjusted children who grow up to be happy and functional adults.

Whatever you might think of Jefferson or his lifestyle, I urge you to consider sending money to extract him from this current pickle. If you wish to help, go here; make sure your donation is specific to the JEFFERSON LEGAL DEFENSE FUND. Anonymous donations are fine, and are tax-deductible.

I think it's worth letting the world know about this case because exes are only too happy to use whatever leverage they can in divorce and custody disputes. As long as a person's sexuality can deny custody or other extreme legal outcomes, we're all at some kind of risk.

It could be you and your ex tomorrow.

Or your employer denying you work.

Or the government deciding you should be watched or worse.

Pastor Martin Niemoller wrote about the conspiracy of silence in Germany that allowed the Nazis first to take over, then exterminate their enemies:

First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for the Communists and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

In 2257 We Trust

2008-08-11T07:39:00.004-04:00

The above bit of visual humor is for those of you who think that 2257 has any reality. And I'll bet every one of you who's screaming about those models being "2257 compliant" probably had AT LEAST one fake ID growing up....

Just as Dr. Johnson tells us that "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel," corporate hacks and their flunkies will insist "we're in full compliance with the law."

Yep. Do you want some chips with that beer?

With regard to the models in Viviane's post

2008-08-10T17:33:00.001-04:00

Although this has been said a number of times, some people need it spelling out to them.

The two models pictured on Viviane's Sugasm post, Mima (or Miriam K) and Luna (Judita A or Lea T) are of legal age.

The shoot in question, from which the picture for the Sugasm was taken, is here and the 2257 Compliance Notes for this shoot are here. Hat-tip to Gracie for linking the shoot into her post.

Comments aren't open on this one - the fact that Mima and Luna are over the legal age of consent is not a debate.

That Sugasm picture

2008-08-08T12:15:00.006-04:00

Seeing as there seems to be a swarm of people who I've never seen comment here, I guess I better first start by introducing myself. I'm known as "little witch" on this blog, Caroline (or Lina) on my blog, and "a porn apologist", "nasty", and a "stupid pro-porny" on the radical feminist / anti pornography blogs. They don't love me much, but then that said I do write stuff like this about them, so I suppose I have it coming (but they started it).

But yeah, if it's legal then I'm all for porn, and, being as I do battle with the radfems pretty regularly, I'm well acquainted with the arguments used against porn. Slavery, rape, 'forced into it', oppressed, "prostituted women"... yeah, I know the arguments, and the absolute doozy they pull out from time to time is the ol' child porn argument: if you support adult pornography you support child pornography. I addressed this months ago on my own blog, and being the stupid pro-porny I am, I've even personally been accused of supporting child pornography a couple of times after defending the "extreme" porn law that was passed in the UK in late Spring (beginners guide here).

So, given that I know how fucking annoying that argument is, why am I defending Tom Paine in this comment thread with regard to a picture used on The Sex Carnival? Well, let's just go through the post and the comments. Firstly though, let me say in the interest of full disclosure, I have already blogged about my discomfort with the picture and the "barely legal" genre on my own blog in one of those really embarrassing "own your privilege" posts feminists do from time to time.

"Do we know these girls are underage? No, we don't, but I think that's beside the point."

Well no, we do know that they aren't underage. I'm familiar with the US Child Protection and Obscenity Act, specifically the 2257 Regulation. I had to get familiar with it to object to Stop Porn Culture! and their slide show that did not conform to 2257. I believe Viviane will be classed as a "secondary producer", which she would mean she is personally responsible for producing proof that these models are 'legal', and so I know she won't have messed up on this. Besides, as I mentioned in the comment thread, Viviane and I had been emailing about this and she mentioned that it was. So, I don't think that there is any doubt that these models are 'legal' and I'm sure Tom will agree with me upon his return.

"If they're not underage, the publisher is trying to make us think they are..."

I think that's possible. I emailed Renegade Evolution about this and she disagreed with me, and in her comment in the post below she explains why. I wouldn't go as far as to say this picture was simulated child pornography, but these models look 'barely legal' and they are supposed to look 'barely legal' in my mind. As for looking under age, well personally I think they do, certainly on first sight, particularly the model on the right. It's not to do with their slim bodies or small breasts. For me, it's to do with the slightly awkward pose and the rounded faces (adult faces seem to go thinner, and obviously this phenomenon doesn't occur on the day of their 18th birthday but can take until a person is in, say, their mid-twenties). Although I think there is a slightly "knowing" look in their eyes that you wouldn't see in a child, there is something about the eyes that is very young. The bare face (clean of make up, I mean) adds to this. Therefore, I do not think it is unreasonable to think that these models are underage, even though we all know for certain that they are not.

"A teenager cannot give informed consent."

As I said in my own post, I agree with this because I've had the kind of life that makes me think that 18-21 year olds are still very young because they are devoid of adult experiences, and that is not intended to be patronising. If I had a different life, maybe I would have had an "old head" on my shoulders at 14 or 15. It, of course, differs from person to person, but it not unreasonable to say that a teenager cannot give informed consent, even though it is a generalisation.

"Regardless, though, of my opinions as a parent or the research I've looked at into the teenage brains, using nude pictures of girls under the age of 18 strikes me as a form of exploitation."

I can't speak for Tom Paine, but actually, having acknowledged that my own life experiences have impacted greatly on my opinions of the 'barely legal' genre, I think actually his experiences of a parent has impacted greatly on his view. That's not to say if he wasn't a parent he'd be all for it, far from it. But this post smacks of a defensive parent to me, and I think that this should be acknowledged. Perhaps the post wouldn't have been so "inflammatory" as someone described it. I strongly believe that his position as a father has impacted massively on his interpretation of the picture and has little to do with his own preferences of porn. But then, however well I may know Tom, I can't speak for him. I would however ask people to keep that in mind until he weighs in on this whenever he comes back online.

"...brushing perilously close to kiddie porn."

By it's very nature it is brushing damn close to child porn, not in legal terms but in visual terms, which of course provokes a moral reaction. What more can I say, I thought that was obvious.

So then, that's the post. Now the comments. And by God the comments Piss. Me. Off. and I ain't referring to Ellie, AAG etc, I'm referring to "Anon"/"Hayley":

"I'm with Tom on this one."

The fucking hell you are. I've already commented against this, but Christ this deserves it's own post.

Do not align yourself with Tom Paine. The way you talked to Furry Girl was a fucking joke. "Opportunistic, desperate", um, why? Cos she's in porn? What, you don't approve?

I've already said it in my comment and in the post, but one more time - you do not speak for Tom Paine. Furthermore, if you agree with what I say about 'barely legal' please don't offer your support to me - my opinion is actually carefully thought out, I acknowledge my inconsistencies and I don't seek to make generalised moral judgements on the whole of the sex industry. Your anti-porn opinion ain't worth shit; it's not informed and it's not thought through (unless you really are that much of a dumb ass). So no, you're not "with Tom Paine" on this. Tom Paine is sex positive for a start, pro-pornography and pro-sex workers rights regardless of his personal reaction to the 'barely legal' genre. Mmmkay?

Well, that's basically all I have to say. I'm sure Tom will acknowledge this when he gets back, but the important thing is we're clear that Viviane did not break any laws. As for the rest, well I think it's important at least to keep in mind to understand the strong reaction Tom Paine had. As for why I'm defending him, well, if you blogged in the circles I did you'd see just exactly what shit is spewed forth by the anti-porn set in their campaign against pornography almost daily (from the same blogs). Tom Paine has no such campaign. I hope that at least is clear.

Viviane Should Know Better

2008-08-07T07:50:00.004-04:00

I personally find this kind of pseudo-kiddie porn disgusting (see above from Viviane's Sex Carnival).

I re-post the image only because I figure many of you won't bother to click through.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I don't personally like Viviane, and as far as I can tell, the feeling is returned. It's not important, though, whether I like her or not, or why we aren't friends. I find her attempt to make money off underage (or underage-looking) models revolting. I don't object to grown women dressing in school girl outfits or braiding their hair and playing at that sort of thing. But this photo crosses the limit for me (and for others based on a few emails I have received). I know that in some countries, there is no age limit for pornography, and many photographers have made a good living exploiting the budding pulchritude of teens (David Hamilton comes to mind). But if teen prostitution were legal in a country, does that make it all right for us to go there and fuck those girls?

Hey, no harm, no foul, right?

A teenager cannot give informed consent. I know that legally we allow teens to drive at 16 and die for their country at 18. But the transition from child to adult is precarious, and not all teens make the transition at the same age. Regardless, though, of my opinions as a parent or the research I've looked at into the teenage brains, using nude pictures of girls under the age of 18 strikes me as a form of exploitation. Do we know these girls are underage? No, we don't, but I think that's beside the point. If they're not underage, the publisher is trying to make us think they are, the better to appeal to our prurient fascination with adolescent sexuality and the corruption of innocence.

Viviane is a smart, successful, sex-positive woman who posts lots of interesting things about sex on and off the Internet. But she also gets money from hosting porn sites like this one (Errotica), Hegre, as well as toy sites like Babeland. In the instance of the photo above, she deleted the regular SUGASM pic to put in one from her porn handlers. It's a conscious choice SHE had to make. Here is the REAL Sugasm photo.

I'm sure some of you will take the "anything goes, it's the Internet/sex" point of view, and others are possibly friends with Viviane. None of that changes the fact that appealing to this sort of thing is brushing perilously close to kiddie porn.

And I guess I can be pretty sure she won't help flog our book if and when it comes out, LOL....

Scottish Humor

2008-08-06T07:34:00.001-04:00

Courtesy of the Little Witch:

A Scotsman was heading out to the pub and turned to his wee wife before leaving.

"Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie."
"Awe, John, that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?"
"Nah, just switching the central heating off while I'm oot."

---

The first people in the UK to have double glazing were the Scots. .. so their kids couldn't hear the ice cream vans.

---

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
"Och! it's no that dark!"

---

A suicidal Scotsman went next door to his neighbor's house to gas himself....

---

A very popular man dies in Aberdeen and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the Aberdeen Evening Express and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"
The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "5 Pound," to which the man says,
"Ye wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok."
So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter.
The man reads "Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid." (Rhymes with deed).
He feels sad at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things, saying,
"I think we cud allow 3 or 4 more words fer ye money."
The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again.
The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid. Ford Escort for sale."

Being Outed & the Danger of Exposure

2008-08-05T07:07:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch blogs in public with her real identity. I am not really Tom Paine, though C. might call me a pain in the ass....

The Strawberry Slut tracks her viewers with a site counter. I have one, but no longer pay attention to it.

Another sex blogger admitted to me off-line that she avoids certain topics altogether because they might give off too many hints about her real identity.

We all deal with being "outed" in different ways, and it seems run different risks. Men especially are vulnerable to being grouped in with sexual deviants and even sex offenders. After all, having a MFM threesome (and especially a MMF one) could land you in jail depending on the jurisdiction and the cop's state of mind. And even if the charges were later dropped, the damage would be irreparable.

With women, the risk is that snarky, ironic humor goes from hilarious to sick and perverted. Those t-shirts that say "suggestive" things on them are funny - unless the other person thinks you might really be interested in sucking another man's cock or getting a beating at the hands of your Dom. I recall the shock from a friend of ours when she saw C.'s "tramp stamp" and connected it with the book on polyamory she'd seen me reading. I doubt even the religious tramp stamp above would change anyone's mind - especially above a very fuckable ass like hers (or C.'s).

Last night while lying in the post-coital bliss with C. and the Slut, I thought about how infinitely lucky I am. Two women in my bed, both of them fucked by me, playing with each other. It doesn't get any better. Yet if our story and identities were revealed to our families and friends, the reaction would not always be "wow, you lucky dude!"

So I will continue to use my nom de blog, and understand fully there are boundaries out there in our post-Puritanical society.

When You See the Buddha, Kill the Buddha!

2008-08-04T07:01:00.001-04:00

Zen has a tradition of irreverance that has always found traction in the West. One of the points of meditation is to break down the body and thereby reduce the ability of the mind to resist enlightenment and wisdom. A means to achieving this is counter-intuitive instructions to undermine our tendency to place gurus and spiritual leaders on pedestals (or in the case of Christianity, make them into gods).

So I got a kick out of this C. found on a horoscope site:

SACRED INSTRUCTIONS

Review in painstaking detail the history of your life, honoring every moment as if you were conducting a benevolent Judgment Day.

Forgive yourself of every mistake except one.

Create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.

Think of the last place on earth you'd ever want to visit, and visualize yourself having fun there.

Test to see if people are really listening to you by asserting that Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.

Steal lint from dryers in laundromats and use it to make animal sculptures for someone you admire.

Fantasize you're the child of divine parents who abandoned you when you were two days old, but who will soon be coming back to reunite with you.

Meditate on how one of the symbols of plenitude in Nepal is a mongoose vomiting jewels.

Once a year on the day before your birthday, say these words into a mirror: "It's bad luck to be superstitious."

Over 400,000 Hits....

2008-08-02T07:43:00.001-04:00

It happened sometime during the day on Thursday, August 1st.

What can we say? Thank you all so much!

"Sub" Categories of Sex

2008-08-01T07:58:00.001-04:00

When I write about another blogger, it usually means an uptick in traffic and the start of a very interesting conversation. In the case of Alex & Eve, they have unfortunately taken their blog private. So I will sum up their story, one I like personally: she has a male lover and her husband encourages it. Their photos and their writing have the "real" quality that's missing from many sex blogs, which all too often are little better than wank-logs or rejects from Letters to Penthouse. I have known any number of professional porn writers who compose those "real" letters, and their work often makes me laugh out loud.

Alex & Eve are part of a sub-genre of non-monogamy, usually referred to as the hotwife phenomenon. Despite our culture's raging homophobia and the traditional stigma attached to cuckolds, the practitioners of hotwifery celebrate the sexy (usually older) woman who rapaciously fucks other men while her husband watches (or not). There are, of course, blogs and discussion boards devoted to this particular form of sexual theater. Like BDSM, there are code words and rituals that practitioners follow to heighten arousal and set boundaries everyone is comfortable with.

The interesting thing is that, while they have dabbled in the swinger world, like C. and me, they don't find that world compelling or rewarding. So when Eve commented on my shout-out, I found her words ringing true to our experience.

Alex and I do not perceive ourselves as swingers. True, we went to a Lifestyle club for a meet and greet; and had a “date” with Gloria and Danny back in June who we met through AFF. After the experience with Gloria and Danny, and the events at Sinz, we are not sure this is something we may consummate for reasons we are still trying to sort out. Right now we are still “wannabes”, but we also see the term “swingers” as more aptly applying to people who have many liaisons purely for the sex.

C. and I met some couples and single males through the online swinger sites, but figured out pretty quick it wasn't going to work for us. The emphasis on looks meant that we were stuck playing with older couples. If it's all about the physical, then the chances of finding a man attractive to C. with a woman interested in me were more remote than you might imagine. Often as not, the woman kept herself attractive while the man had gone to seed worse than an abandoned farm.

Eve goes on in her comment to my post:

Alex and I have been thinking more along the lines of relationship(s) based on a high degree of exclusivity and emotional bonding. Maybe that is all convoluted rationalization…but that’s where our thinking lies right now, and we feel much more comfortable with the precision that the term “polyamorous couple” provides us.

The elasticity of the term "polyamory" makes it both useful as a catch-all, and frustrating because it's so non-specific. Almost anyone involved in non-monogamy that doesn't involve one-night stands can call themselves poly. But it also allows couples like Alex and Eve to describe their unique take on hotwifery:

Wilson [their male third] was welcomed into our relationship, and we created a three-some, because he was someone we got to know over the last two years, and I came to care for him. As time went on we developed a sexual tension between us that I just had to act upon; and Alex encouraged me to do so. I must tell you that the times we have been together sexually, it really was “bareback”. We are not swingers in this respect either because Alex is not given a corresponding partner to play with. This is about me. “Swingers”, we have come to understand, are almost invariably a “package deal” and seek “symmetry” as Alex likes to describe the arrangement.

Since I don't know Alex and Eve personally, I can only speculate on their relationship based on their blog and Eve's gracious post. It seems clear they practice a kind of "sexual theater" that depends on the heightened arousal of desire deferred and jealousy harnessed to fuel that desire. It's a formula that has worked for us in the past when C. and I have played with other men in MFM trios. I have always encouraged C. to take a lover on her own, since I think she would be more comfortable one-on-one than performing for the two boys. While she's a sexual athlete when the situation is right, being "on" for two lovers whose only outlet is fucking her means performing at a high level. The advantage of our playing with the Strawberry Slut is that the three of us can find sexual gratification in each other without one person being the "sole provider."

But I digress....

On our daily walk today, while discussing these two, C. pointed out how one party in a relationship is almost always the dominant one when it comes to sex, leading (and even forcing) the other to accept things on the their terms. Some couples respond to this impetus favorably, as with Alex accepting Eve's fucking Wilson without his having any chance to experience sex with another woman. In other cases, pressure to accept others in the marriage bed (or play outside with a "hall pass") pushes things over a cliff, ending in disaster. It's why non-monogamy can work for some couples and not for others. That might sound pretty basic, but it's a more profound observation than saying "manage your jealousy" or "celebrate your lover's sexual pleasure." Life is usually more complicated than we imagine.

Help Bring the Little Witch to America!

2008-07-31T06:18:00.001-04:00

While we were interviewed on Blogger Radio, Gracie Passette suggested that y'all use our Amazon.com cashbox on the right side of this blog to raise money so the Little Witch can come to the Big City to fuck us both. After all, our relationship with her is quite unique, and it's sad she's stuck in the hinterlands of the UK with no money to fly about the world. So if anyone out there has their own private jet....

Y'all can repost this on your own blogs, too, and start a chain reaction!

We Were On the Radio!

2008-07-30T07:30:00.001-04:00

For those of you who missed our radio interview by the awesome Gracie Passette (who's rockin' and sexy in Fargo, ND), you can access it here.

And don't forget to read her blog, which is full of interesting things from the world of sex, including the Peruvian government wanting to prosecute singer Leysi Suarez (see photo above courtesy of the Spanish-language newspaper El Comercio) who sings back-up for the band Alma Bella ("beautiful soul"). Seems she committed the "offense" of posing bareback with the flag for a saddle. Peru's Defense Minister, Antero Flores, proclaimed to reporters "These are patriotic symbols that demand total respect, and using them improperly requires punishment."

You'd think maybe the government had better things to do with its crime stoppers, but apparently not.... Maybe they can have her do some community service - like riding around bareback for the troops!

Sagittarius

2008-07-29T05:37:00.001-04:00

Got this as an chain letter email today. The things that apply to C. (who is a Sagittarius) are in red. Photo above is of Little Witch tits (and bewitching tits they are).

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical (more like "rarely"). Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes (but looks great in them). Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out. 14 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

She won't let me forward her to someone else!!!!

More Movie Crushes

2008-07-28T05:46:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch is very fond of Jason Statham who plays in about every other Brit crime film, but most recently was seen here in "The Bank Job." Based on a true story, the movie recounts how Statham and his cronies are lured into knocking over a bank where a blackmailer has photos of Princess Margaret in flagrante dilecto in a MFF trio (see photo above where the princess is played by the lovely Louise Chambers and her delicious tits).

I didn't care much for the film, but there was a scene with Hattie Morahan, better known in her natural blond state as Elinor in the TV series "Sense & Sensibility," in a dark wig playing doomed British socialite Gale Benson. I can't find a photo of her anywhere on the 'Net, but she's utterly scrumptious as she turns her ass to the camera and then slips off her panties to fuck an American black power writer. The intensity of her lust for the man and his (presumably) large black cock gave the film a real frisson. Of course, it reminded me of times C. has fucked other men, so that was a plus....

Missing Links

2008-07-26T07:29:00.000-04:00

The Strawberry Slut liked my post with Turner's painting, saying I should use more art and not so many tits. Here's a compromise!

I have been going through my links to the right looking for dead ones, dead blogs, or bloggers who no longer link back. If you feel I have deleted yours unfairly, please email me. We get so many visitors here, I don't want to send them on wild pussy chases.

Life After Porn

2008-07-23T11:02:00.001-04:00

I sometimes think of C. as a retired porn star. She even has a porn star name to go with her "tramp stamp," which was of course inspired by the former custom of porn actresses to have a tattoo on their lower back (usually a "tribal" symbol like C. has).

this video (sent by the LW, our fantasy GF and which Audacia Ray writes about here) raises the topic of what happens to women who have made their living fucking on camera. Some of them experience some major discrimination, while others simply have to adopt a tough veneer.

Reflecting on this video and the outstanding documentary from HBO Thinking XXX (which shows photographer Timothy Greenfield-Sanders shooting large-format photographs of major porn stars while they talk about their lives) got me to wondering what some of C.'s friends would say or do if they knew she had fucked strangers with no regard to any emotional tie?

In my case, they would say I'm simply an old fuck who should know better, but what else can you expect from a man? In her case, though, I suspect they'd look down their nose at this gorgeous, independent, confident and self-assured woman and think "what is the MATTER with her?" After all, women in our society are still expected to show some restraint when it comes to sex. How many sex bloggers hide their real identities for fear of being discovered?

In our case, the reasons for discretion aggregate more around protecting our professional lives and the lives of our children (we're already embarrassing enough just being their parents). But I know of many interesting women who simply could never reveal their identities if it got out they were having NSA sex with strangers or even multiple lovers. It just isn't done.

Now that C. is mostly retired from SWOP with other men, we confine ourselves to FMF threesomes (though she and the Strawberry Slut have promised to choose a male between them to fuck while I watch on my next birthday). I have to content myself playing old "tapes" in my head of her performing, going down on uncut cocks, coming with thrusts of other lovers, taking out my excitement on her. Like a retired porn star, she is finding out where she can go and where the limits are. With her performances private and largely undocumented, she will have no public baggage. But the threat of discovery by the world at large will mean her adventures must remain pseudonymous, confined to the virtual world of "Polyamorously Perverse."

We're Going to Be on the Radio

2008-07-22T03:16:00.002-04:00

Gracie Passette is going to interview us on the radio July 23rd at 9 PM Central Time.

If you want to listen, go here. Gracie tells me the broadcast will be archived and can be downloaded to an Ipod for podcast listening.

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy

2008-07-20T07:03:00.000-04:00

The 6th Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy is up at

Kaleidoglide!

More sexy people

2008-07-19T07:35:00.001-04:00

For the same reason as last week. It's good to objectify.

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Carla Black

Jason Statham

Robbie Williams

Mz. Berlin

Esther Baxter

Victor Webster

Lena Chen

Randy Orton

Jada Fire

LL Cool J

(For fit blokes only, see my blog.)

Passionless Marriage

2008-07-18T07:07:00.001-04:00

Dirty Talking Girl, the writer of Pussy Talk, was one of my first readers. She writes really fine erotica, but also is confessional is a way that leaves one squirming unconsciously. Her take on love and marriage is unsparing, as she lives with a man who does not please her, while seeing at least one other who is her sexual soul mate.

Unless you're married to your soul-mate, you sign up for the lifetime version of the whore's bargain, which comes complete with destruction of soul: my body in exchange for your protection, sex for all future considerations including physical and financial security, as well as company in infirmity and senility. Admittedly, some very lucky or very blessed couples manage to find love in there somewhere, whether for a few years or a lifetime, but after 25 years, most of us are just gritting our teeth and letting our eyes mist over while he labours away, our gaze directed elsewhere, deep inside or far beyond the horizon, anywhere but at him.

The blogosphere can be a bore, with countless blogs devoted to selfish celebrations of fucking, whether sexual, financial, emotional, whatever floats your particular boat, the one painted with your name on it, of course. It can also be like reading the daily newspaper: filled with the misfortunes of others, whether in war, crime or ruin. Today I skimmed over the accounts of terrorists set free in return for MIA soldiers in Israel, more Americans and Iraqis killed in a senseless war, couples taking in borders lest they lose their homes, etc.

The often relentless trumpeting of bluster and the drumbeat of tragic relationships are the principle reasons we continue to keep this blog open for business. C. and I are lucky: there isn't a time in bed I don't look forward to finding a way to her pleasure, and I try to keep attuned to her needs and rhythms. Yes, it's true we have sex with other people, but the focus of everything is on our long-lasting love. This is not said as boasting, because I know it could all come tumbling down tomorrow if she were to change or find someone else. Will an open relationship continue to work for us? I don't know. There are few guarantees in life other than death.

Make today count. Tell that someone special "I love you."

You know who I'm thinking about....

The Sexual Zeitgeist

2008-07-17T07:28:00.002-04:00

Eve and Alex are exploring cuckold fantasies.

If their posts aren't fiction (and forgive me if I raise that possibility, since some blogs have turned out to be less than they pretended to be, sometimes even written by complete frauds), they're exploring them quite actively. Their blog is entitled "Cuckold Lexicon," and they seem to be working their way through the hotwife "alphabet" from "anal" to "zero inhibitions." What's more, they seem to be entirely transparent about their identities and location (somewhere outside Boston). The photos are clearly of "real" people and not cribbed from the porn sites (though like many swingers, they include some that are clearly from a few years ago and not current). They show a very attractive middle-aged couple, with Eve a delicious morsel I'd be happy to have between C. and myself in the same bed. It's completely believable that Eve, like C., could be the honey attracting a bevy of single men ready to fulfill the couple's desires, and Alex is quite eager to have his wife thoroughly fucked by others.

Eve is the adulteress and Alex is so far required to be "chaste" with other women, as is in keeping with the hotwife ethos. Though the realities of swingerdom are putting pressure on that dynamic, the two genuinely seem devoted to their paradigm and it's not as if he is eager to have his "ticket" punched. It's entirely possible to play with just single men, though the swinger clubs Alex and Eve have attended so far usually exclude single guys, lest a horde of horny men swamp the evening with their sheer numbers and often pathetic neediness. We did a swingers "meet & greet" that allowed unattached men, and it gave the evening a creepy aura.

Recently the two of them met their other man, Wilson, for drinks, and as the three of them were saying "good night," Eve suddenly asked for permission to go home alone with him. He proceeded to give her something poor Alex never has: multiple orgasms, and prodigious amounts of cum on her breasts and elsewhere (if she'd barebacked him, it would've been a dead giveaway the account was fictional). Poor Alex now has to live with his inability to last as long or perform as well. Well, not too poor: this is what he wants and he's living his fantasy.

Of course, one of my favorite "what ifs" would be for C. to go home with someone else, then drag her sticky pussy, smelling of sex with another man, into bed in the wee hours for a desperately hot animal fuck. Eve is a strong woman who takes what she wants, and she just stole my fantasy.

Not exactly "stole," but certainly is living it.

Interestingly, when you read this, I will be up in their neck of the woods, though will not be meeting the lovely Eve. I suspect she's a ton of fun in the sack. Good luck to them both.

Controversial and Damn Right Confounding Admissions

2008-07-15T07:23:00.002-04:00

This via the Little Witch

1.) I struggle with prejudice, both ethnic, racial and sexual. I cannot see a Muslim woman in a head scarf or veil without wondering if she supports terrorism or Islamic extremism, if not here, then abroad. I would not want to have sex with a black woman, it doesn't turn me on. And hardcore gays and lesbians make me uneasy. Perhaps because I am really a square at heart.

2.) As a writer, I'm not above borrowing good bits if I can get away with it. T.S. Eliot once said "good writers borrow, great writers steal."

3.) I am wildly inconsistent and HATE it when someone points it out. As an intellectual, I can hold multiple opinions simultaneously, and see nothing wrong with changing them when appropriate. Call me open-minded, don't call me wishy-washy or a hypocrite.

4.) I have a hard time taking seriously the opinions of those I disagree with politically, and may look down my nose at them secretly. Sorry, Little Witch, your Tory leanings are a black mark against you.

5.) I would likely sleep with you even if I don't like you. Good sex trumps most character flaws, especially if you have the tits to dazzle me.

Jealousy - Again

2008-07-14T06:55:00.004-04:00

Roxy-Of-The-Lovely-Tits has written about jealousy in a way we could all profit from reading. Her photo shows me a good reason for why they should bring back wet t-shirt contests. I'm choosing to ignore her confession about continuing to play with a man whose wife has asked HER to stop, since I don't wish to get into more controversy just right now. Roxy's going to attract enough shit and heartache and it's clear she's agonizing over it despite her insistence she's not.

Jealousy is one of those things polys insist can be, should be "managed." One of the more formal approaches to the topic can be found here. As long-time readers know, C. thinks this is all total bullshit. I know there are various "human potential" movements that try to help us re-program our bad behavior, whether it's quitting smoking, dealing with a gambling addiction, or other "behavior mod" regimens. I'm not talking about substance addictions, I'm looking at things we can't handle because of some emotional trigger or glitch that forces us into destructive behavior.

The refreshing thing about Roxy's post is her admission that she goes into a mild form of emotional cardiac arrest at the thought of her husband and another woman, even though she is happy for him and his pleasure. This despite the fact he's not rushing full-speed into affairs with other women. So Roxy is grappling with relatively benign matters, right?

Not really.

Sex can be incendiary, but the emotional bonding, even on a level of flirting and play, is much more threatening. Which would you rather face: your SO having sex with someone else or having hidden phone calls, multiple emails, shared intimacies as harmless as jokes and asides?

I'll take C. swallowing some dude's cum any day over her being caught up in his emotional life.

Despite 7,000 years of human civilization, we're still violent, aggressive, selfish animals who want what we want first, and think of the well-being of anyone else second - at best. It's partly a matter of survival: biology has taught us to spread our genes and protect our lives. It's why we have the "fight or flight" instinct that pours adrenaline into our bloodstream whenever we're faced with a crisis, real or imagined.

And despite our best efforts, bonding still underlies our marriages and coupling; bonding that leaves us vulnerable to the fears of abandonment or diminution. Not only might our SO enjoy fucking another person more, he or she might LIKE the other person better (we won't even touch on LOVE).

Sexy People

2008-07-12T06:36:00.013-04:00

Tom Paine and I (the LW) have been talking, and we decided (I decided) it would be grand if I could crash Polyamorously Perverse at the weekends when he's not generally around. So thought a new feature would be good, but we've no idea what to call it. Basically, it's based on the following:

A while back, Laura Woodhouse of The F-Word (UK) blog observed that there were hardly any, if any, pictures of sexy men on sex positive blogs. No denying that. That whole debate brought back "Female Desire Week", which I did on my own blog and on this blog.

Following a post by Natalia Antonova at Feministe regarding objectification (outlined here on this blog), I argued that objectification wasn't inherently wrong, but the attitudes surrounding it were. In brief,
The fact that it is more acceptable for men to objectify than women means that there are more sexy images of women available ... There are a vast amount of easily accessible images of sexy women therefore, which permits and normalises the mainstream objectifying women when it frankly is not appropriate. I think it's important to question, and seriously yes - to subvert these norms. Women can be sexy and there ain't shit wrong with that. However, the imbalance, that it's ok for men to find women sexy and not for women to find men or other women sexy, means, as I say, that there are more images of sexy women available, which in turn lead some to think that women may be perceived as nothing but sexy.
So for that reason, I started a new feature on my own blog focusing entirely on men. It's always an absolute arse to try and find pictures of fit blokes, so this is my own wee attempt at subverting these norms. And this is the most enjoyable way I've ever subverted a norm. That and practising BDSM...

We decided, therefore (Tom Paine and I) that I could post pictures on his blog in the spirit of both Female Desire Week and lack of fit men for women to objectify (i.e. lust after). Plus on this blog I don't have to be particularly safe for work.

But enough intellectualising. Enjoy the sexy people, pictures chosen entirely because they're hot...

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Tara Tainton

By Georgia Palmas

By Markus Richter

Andrew Stetson

by Michele Serchuk

DJ Kio

Catalina Ramirez

Damon Albarn

Mz. Berlin

Jason Statham

Roxy

Georges St. Pierre

Anon

Breaking News....

2008-07-11T07:57:00.000-04:00

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

Congratulations to the Little Witch!!

2008-07-10T04:18:00.000-04:00

Who says the Little Witch isn't the smartest witch in the sex blogosphere? She made the "Editor's Choice" for the latest Sugasm:

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #140? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks

Flunking A Call
“I fell silent again and tried to think. What did he want?”

Revision
“He seemed… perfect. ”

Shaving, revisted.
“I don’t do it for society, for anyone who will or will not be seeing it. I do it for me.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
Exploitation, objectification and breaking the law…

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Be The Man Other Men Envy, Be PullJoy
Catalina loves Her Latest BILF List
HNT - Venus and Mars
Of Pillow Fights & Panty Showing
The Way To a Man’s Heart - A Play in One Act
What is with all of the Swinging? - Truth or Fiction

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
A Hot Medical Femdom Scene With Mz Berlin, Kayla Paige, and A Dirty Sponge Gag
I Want It! I Want It! I Want It! It’s At Exquisite Restraints Corsets
The Liberator Sex Wedge: Form, Function, Fucktacular. I love it.
New Toy Alert
Not Your Regular Vibe
Sex, Drugs & Baseball
Why inviting bi-girls to brunch is the best
Will You Carry Me Over The Threshold?
Zen And The Art Of Pornographic Madness

Sex & Politics
All Wound Up and No One to Spring On

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Cheerleader is fucked hard donkey style
Happy Fourth of July -HNT
Half-Nekkid on the Road to Hell
InFocus Girls
Pornsaint Madison Young
Property of Lady Evyl
Sandy Summers in red lingerie
Sundaycore
Thank you for the flowers
Tila Tequila Totally Nude

Sex Work
Meet Lew, My CockSucking CumEating StrapOn Slut

BDSM & Fetish
Agony of Ecstasy: the Ruined Orgasm
And marie Moaned
FLOG memories
Get a Load of These Gams!
Impromptu Ravishment Play
Miss Lioness
The Piggiest Pigs at Leather Retreat
Switchy Thoughts on Spiritual Domination
Testing the New Implements

Erotic Writing and Experiences
2nd Blogiversary
Becoming
The Cam Lover pays to fist a 19 year-old Ass
Fiction: Taxicab Confessional
Four: of weeks and wantings
Friend with benefits- properly fucked
Getting to fuck the neighbor 5
Good weekend
Gustav Klimt Nachlass
I love the way you cuddle!
Kung Fu Theater
Monday’s Slut Journal
More bloody married people and doctor/patient roleplay…..
My first visit to Manbar
Night Ride: Trigger’s Bike
Permanent haze
The prize for working
Traction Bound

The Real and the Online

2008-07-09T07:29:00.000-04:00

The sexy Madame Dragonfly got me to thinking about the personas we assume in the blog world and whether they can (and even should) coincide with our "real" identities. She writes about how her "real" friends are often surprised when she shows them her sex blog, since the loose, slutty persona that exists there is so different from her identity as an artist, mother and academic.

What am I really getting out of this? Do you, my readers really feel that there is something useful about my blog? So often I get caught up in the creation of the blog that I lose sight of why I am writing it. I love writing smut. I love living the life that includes the forays that allow me to create these stories.

For someone who by her own admission is struggling to balance her desires with her ability to get those desires fulfilled, blogging allows the exploration of alternatives. I'm reminded of how my children would try on different roles growing up, each day changing what they wanted to be when they finally were "big." One day it was a fireman, the next an actor or actress. We often discover after we've "grown up" that life doesn't give us all that we desire, so we look for other alternatives. The "role playing" doesn't really end with graduation, marriage or other doors that supposedly lead to some form of completeness. We're incomplete, because as any Buddhist will tell you, life is a journey, not a destination.

Sex clubs and swinging have been a way for C. and me to experiment and "try on" some sex roles. The experiences are impersonal and without strings, so there's no risk of your partner for the evening (or the orgasm) falling in love, stalking you, or otherwise creating the problems we face when we meet partners in the usual way. How often C. has told me she'd be happier if a male lover would just disappear after the sex.

Thank God for Mr. Hitachi!

Blogs, too, have a social role. They're like sex clubs: places where we can experience different aspects of life in general and sexuality in particular. Jefferson assembled a harem of both sexes from his blog. But it's not just sex blogs where we can gin up an identity: Washington Wonkette ended up writing a book that grew out of her "kiss and tell" blog on dating Congressmen. Matt Drudge has brought down the high and mighty with a mixture of opinion, rumor, fact and innuendo. When it comes to sex blogging, they provide the writer (and vicariously, the reader) with a means to play at roles that may or may not be something they want in their "real" lives.

In our case, blogging has been a way for me to try on different aspects of non-monogamy, bouncing the ideas off the blogosphere (and C.) without committing to a full-blown exploration or splitting up. It has also brought us friends and acquaintances we'd never know, including some sex along the way (sadly, not enough of that).

The process of blogging reminds me of Carnival, a tradition in Europe and Catholic countries that turns the world upside down for a brief time period just before Lent. It's a crazy-quilt of revelry, debauchery, social networking and masked parties, when boys can be girls and girls can be sluts. Want to walk naked in public like the model pictured above at Rio's last Carnival? At Carnival/Fasching/Fastnacht, you can, but if you do it some other time, beware! The custom originated in the Middle Ages, and probably is rooted in older pagan fertility celebrations the early church took over and converted to its own ends, much like the origins of Christmas or the birthdays of local saints. Carnival signals the beginning of Lent, when believers are supposed to give up luxury and even fast (hence the name "Fasching" or "Fastnacht" is Switzerland), so the sense of "one last fling" gives its rituals a hectic atmosphere. Back in the Middle Ages, social strata were rigid, and roles were fixed: sumptuary laws even forbade the lower classes from wearing certain colors and fabrics reserved for the royals and aristocracy. So Carnival offered the lowest members of society a chance to act out their masked contempt for masters and the social authority without risk of being punished, all in the name of "good fun," much like a Punch-and-Judy show indulges our baser instincts in the name of laughter.

These days, it's hard to see Carnival as more than just an excuse to get drunk and fool around, since we've so thoroughly turned society upside down. Want to cross-dress? No biggie. Go naked? Today's styles usually reveal too much to begin with. The samba club was fined for letting their luscious beauty expose her genitals, but the resulting publicity made it all worthwhile.

So it's a fair question to ask Madame D whether she wants to be the total slut she pretends to be in her blog, or if she's just funnin' us?

Natalia Antonova on Objectification and Desire

2008-07-08T11:29:00.005-04:00

This was wrote for Uncool a few days ago but Mr. Paine thought it would go nicely here too. (Comments on the post at Uncool, should you wish to see them, are here and here, things got muddled with an untitled post below.)

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I know this doesn’t sound terribly progressive of me, but I think some objectification is healthy, whether one is male or female. I believe that both male and female desire should have a place in our discourse... (Antanova at Feministe, I Objectify Men)

Natalia Antonova's been guest blogging over at Feministe this week, and by God she is on form. There's a few posts that stand out that I want to write about, for now though I'll focus on the discussion she started on objectification.

Objectification is to view someone as an object through perception, I suppose that would be my definition (they do not become an object, note). An object is a physical thing, material and perceived as being different or even independent from the mind. I suppose literally it doesn't involve an aesthetic judgement, however the way we use this word, by we I mean feminists and indeed society, there is such a judgement. As Antonova writes, objectifying now involves making an aesthetic judgment purely on the physical appearence of a person. A good proportion of that time, the judgement will grow no less superficial. I would differentiate between the act of objectifying and the consequences of objectification. She goes on,

But I do think that there is a genuinely OK way of expressing one’s appreciation for someone else’s physical body and/or persona (and hell, a beautiful mind can be just as sexy). And I want more women to be comfortable with expressing their views on men and women that they find attractive, and even be superficial about it.

I think Natalia's right. Pure objectification, simply appreciating someone else's body, desiring it, lusting after it, is very natural and certainly not wrong in itself in the slightest and does not have to mean disrespecting them simply by looking at their body.

Now, the purpose of my post, and indeed Natalia Antonova's, isn't to excuse men and allow them to objectify our bodies. That said, I'm not offended at all by being 'objectified'. The key is how it's all done; objectification does not mean ownership and it is wrong to perceive it in that way.

So no, these posts are about women. Why can't women objectify others? Why, perhaps more pertinently, can't they admit that they objectify other people? Antonova writes,

Too many times, I run up against the notion that it is somehow “undignified” for a woman to participate, to be too sexual, and too frank, or allow herself a moment of shallowness; I hear people say that she is merely “lowering herself” to the status of men (I’ve seen that on feminist blogs as well as other types of blogs).

Am I lowering myself by saying that I would crawl on top of Jason Statham (right) in a second if he happened to be lying on my floor? I've seen him in a few films, have never seen him interviewed and have never read an interview with him. I don't know him in the slightest. So to some, probably yes I am lowering myself. Being a little distasteful maybe. I don't think this can be reserved to women necessarily, however it is more socially accepted for a man to have, for example, a picture of a sexy woman on his phone (incidently, in an attempt to subvert these norms and not at all to lust after Ms. Aguilera, I have this picture as my wallpaper). The fact that it is more acceptable for men to objectify than women means that there are more sexy images of women available (I took ten minutes getting images of the women pictured in this post. The images of men took a lot longer). There are a vast amount of easily accessible images of sexy women therefore, which permits and normalises the mainstream objectifying women when it frankly is not appropriate. I think it's important to question, and seriously yes - to subvert these norms. Women can be sexy and there ain't shit wrong with that. However, the imbalance, that it's ok for men to find women sexy and not for women to find men or other women sexy, means, as I say, that there are more images of sexy women available, which in turn lead soem to think that women may be perceived as nothing but sexy.

So women can be sexual too, and sex and sexual desire can be for women a purely physical act of lust. This isn't 'deep', it's superfical. There's strength in 'owning' your sexuality. I wouldn't be 'sex positive' if I thought otherwise. What's wrong with superficial from time to time? If sex is physical, why can't desire be? For both sexes? Sex and sexuality isn't men's realm of existence exclusively. Not all about teh menz....

Why not indeed. A healthier approach to sex and sexuality may ensue in an ideal world. And we should hold on to that ideal and shouldn't repress ourselves, but we all know it isn't that simple. Many, for example, see objectification as synonymous with dehumanisation.

Objectification does not mean dehumanisation. This comment stood out for me in Natalia's comment thread:

I would say that “objectification” isn’t just looking at someone and appreciating their attractiveness. Objectification is about ignoring and trying to take away someone’s subjectivity as a real, thinking, feeling person with their own desires and making their existence all about you, seeing them not as a fellow human being but as an object for your pleasure or use. And it is certainly tied to the threat of using oppression and violence to force that person to become an object for your personal use. (Caro)

Why is this seen as a necessary result? Seeing a person as physically desireable means an inability to ever see them as more than a mere object? And how exclusive are the two? I mean, for example, Tara Tainton. Physically, I think she's gorgeous. I could quite happily peruse her galleries for hours (unfortunately there aren't that many pictures to warrant such time consuming attention). Ditto Jason Statham. A 'female desire' post comes up and I'm straight to the galleries picking out a picture. Now, as it happens, Tara has a blog that I particularly like. Reading her thoughts on sexuality and the sex industry has led to me to respect Tara a great deal on this basis, that is, not simply because she's another human being deserving of respect, but because her writing earns, or rather commands it in my humble opinion. Antonova responds to the comment,

Do you automatically take away someone’s subjectivity, Caro, if you’re thinking about them solely in terms of your desire and projection of said desire? For example, I do not know Iker Casillas as a person, I’m sure he’s a great guy, based on his excellent leadership and overall demeanour, but when I cock my eyebrow at a picture of him, my initial impulse is to think about something else entirely (precisely because I do not know him).

I agree. The two are not necessarily exclusive. They may exist together. They may not exist together; they may not be allowed to exist together.

*************************

Credits

Pictures from top to bottom.

Radical Fucking Honesty

2008-07-07T07:10:00.000-04:00

Navigating the shoals of sexual desire reminds me of sailing around Cape Horn in a violent storm: too much this way and you snap off your masts; too much that way and you founder on the rocks and sink. Almost no one gets through without damage of some kind.

I don't mean to be so pessimistic, but I have been watching close friends in pain over choices they've made in sexual relationships. On a recent business trip, I had drinks into the wee hours with a close friend (I'll call him A.) who is back with his ex-wife after years of chasing skirts. When I asked him how their sex life was, he answered "what sex?" Yet instead of missing it, he's happy to be once again both in her good graces and living together under the same roof. The volcanic woman he left his wife for is now divorced from her third husband, and a former pin-up who once spent A's money as if we were in the same league as her wealthy other boyfriends has "found Jesus" (I didn't know Jesus was lost). "Sex isn't everything," A. confessed to me with great resignation and weariness in his voice.

Is it any wonder I fight against "acting my age" when it comes to sex and relationships?

Another friend (I'll call her S.) has strayed after a passing flirtation proved irresistible. She's beside herself with guilt and remorse for betraying a loving boyfriend, though she stopped just as she was about to come. C. was puzzled hearing that.

"If you're going to cheat on someone, you might as well get off." Don't look at me, I'm polyamorous/polyfuckerous, so the notion that stopping just sort of an orgasm somehow lessens the "sin" is stupid and incomprehensible to me.

But then, I never understand C. turning down casual sex with other people, so I'm not a good one when it comes to empathy.

S. now wants to tell all to purge her soul, hoping that her BF will punish her: literally. She'd be grateful if he'd beat her for her sins and make her pay for violating his trust. Of course, the sadomasochistic underpinnings of her inclinations are apparent even to her, and grow out of an avowed curiosity with BDSM (something the BF refuses to entertain or even discuss with her). Despite a thirst for pain and suffering that underlies her personality, I advised her against "coming clean." According to the Catholics, confession is good for the soul, only in their version, the gut-spilling happens inside an impersonal confessional and to a priest, not to the victim of the betrayal. The father confessor is the toilet the penitent throws up into, sparing the betrayed from the pain and humiliation knowing inexorably brings. And just as well; few of us have the kindness and magnanimous grace to grant our betrayers absolution for sinning, so don't push it!

Long-time readers know that C. betrayed me with Dieter way, way Back In the Day. In retrospect, it was much ado about very little (not quite nothing): we were experimenting with openness, and C. had grown close to a younger, rakish foreign student, going on platonic "dates" to movies and lectures I had no time for or no interest in. On some level, I understood what was happening with them, and so I suggested a three-way with him to her. The experience was less than the fantasy I thought it would be for me and I discovered two things: 1) I wasn't emotionally ready to see her fucking another man, and 2) didn't like sharing her. So I went off to bed, expecting her to follow like a good wife.

She didn't.

I fell asleep, and then walked in on them the next morning in flagrante dilecto. I was shocked and angry, and it took me years to get over it.

I know: what an asshole I was.

That illicit morning coitus eventually turned a latent voyeurism into a full-blown perversion years later -- much to C.'s regret and boredom ("that was so long ago, and I was just a young woman experimenting with my sexuality"). I continue to revisit the story over and over again because my knowing about her "betrayal" poisoned my mind for years.

And it affected my estimation about honesty.

I used to think total honesty was the right thing. I still feel that leading a secret, cheating life is wrong. But there are times when a slip or a brief mistake is better left hidden. Most polys disagree, believing there's no time when you should keep sexual dalliances secret from someone you're involved with. They even promote a self-help movement called Radical Honesty, which basically calls upon practitioners to give up lying by never holding anything back. The results can be impolitic to say the least, to the point that most of the practitioners of Radical Honesty I've met are indistinguishable from pompous boors. I'm sure that's an unfair generalization I'll be whacked in the head for by at least one commenter, but I'm being radically honest and saying what I think, rather than lying and insisting honesty is always the best policy. To excerpt the Wikipedia entry linked above, "The significant majority of participants in the Radical Honesty workshops report dramatic changes in their lives after taking the course, though they are not always comfortable and positive."

Just what I want: significant negative change in my life. No thanks.

Because human relations are so complex, I have come to believe that what we should tell others is affected by a variety of considerations. Simplistic examples like perpetuating the myth of Santa Claus do little to guide us in the area of sex. With sex and relationships, "truth" is often more elusive than exact. Admitting temptation, for example, can sew seeds of mistrust and doubt with your partner. When C. and I first married, I would regularly tell her that I was tempted by other women, to the point where she felt as if she could never "be good enough." Yet temptation is a fact of life, though I was unprepared for it when I married, assuming that my wife would be all things for me.

That notion, of course, has persisted to this day, where I would rather have C. with me in any and all sexual exploits as my "partner in crime." It's a role she's found smothering and coercive, so I have struggled to modulate my intense desires and keep from crowding her. When you lust for your lover, it's not easy repressing or diverting those desires, and it's no secret she is the focus of my lust.

My advice to S. has been to say nothing to her BF about her straying, since it can only damage his trust in her. And as long as she has no plans for repeating this episode, I can find no upside to confession other than her masochistic need for punishment. While being dominated can be a healthy sexual inclination when indulged under the right circumstances, inflicting her need for pain and humiliation on an unwilling participant is no more than emotional rape to me. I will write again soon about the dynamic of dominance and submission in my lust for C. but there is a definite, if not always distinct difference between things we freely consent to be done to us and those that go beyond our willingness to participate.

And all of what I say is compromised by S. telling me yesterday "I want to see the other man again." Compulsion or polyamory? Who can say?

Calling a Spade a Shovel

2008-07-03T07:28:00.001-04:00

Photo of one of my "fans" courtesy of Naughty Secretary

One of the things I like least about the sex blogosphere is the unspoken rule of never "judging" another blogger. Certainly whatever they write about, whatever they do in their lives is usually considered beyond criticism. After all, they're being "honest" and "it's their blog," as if admitting to caddish behavior absolves us of any responsibility for our actions.

Recently several bloggers, including one I thought was my friend, took me to task for "spanking" poor, little Mandy after the demise of her blog. The consensus was that I was either bitter for never having slept with her, or I had sunk to some new low for describing her as selfish and manipulating. You can read what I wrote here if you don't remember it. C. asked me why I bother answering my critics. I suppose it's because the writer in me loves a good argument, what the Little Witch calls "fisking."

The interesting thing about sex blogging is the notion that it's a "safe" zone where we should be free to write whatever we want without criticism or judgements. I ran into a similar wall of fury when I called out a blogger pair who gleefully and willingly play with married men deceiving their wives, even to the point of saying those men are better off playing with a nice, discrete couple than fucking some single woman who might get hung up on them.

Oh, Puh-LEEEEEZE.

The Internet is public discourse, folks. If you want to have a private circle of friends, then make your blog "by invitation only." If you are going to write for public consumption, then you can't expect to get a free pass. I notice this aversion to "calling out" another blogger is especially prevalent among the 20- and 30-something bloggers.

But beyond the notion of "it's my life and I'll do what I want" is the belief that, "hey, anything goes." Yet there ARE sexual expressions that remain beyond the pale. A rapist blogger, no matter how good his prose, would likely generate outrage among the same bloggers taking me to task for being "judgemental." Same with pedophilia. So is it different to hold another blogger to standards of morality or decency?

Now, some of you are probably asking "how can a man who worked for 2 years to get his wife to let him fuck other people call out another person over their sex practices?"

Easy. Whatever C. and I do, it's with the other's full knowledge and consent. And if we slip up and do something that harms or upsets the other, we work quickly to mend it. As for our practices with others, the Strawberry Slut is single, and we encourage her to tell her playmates and lovers about us. In the long run, that could backfire. If she meets someone who is possessive or monogamous, he might pressure her to end our long-running trysts. But we wouldn't have her sneak around for anything. We have played with two men who possibly were cheating on their wives, since they preferred afternoon sex. We had no way of discerning whether they simply worked hard and had child-rearing responsibilities, or were pulling one over on the Missus. If we HAD known, then one or both of them would have been kicked to the curb.

One of the reasons why I continue to identify with the term "poly" is because of my belief that "honesty is the best policy." We all should take responsibility for what we do. Simply admitting to churlish behavior isn't the same thing, especially when you don't stop. Polyamory isn't going to stop cheating, nor will encouraging alternative lifestyles remove the thrill of doing something forbidden. Yet "honesty" is no cover for immorality, which for me is when your actions harm the innocent. Does that make us "better" than others? Hardly. This isn't about measuring who's moral cock is longer, it's about exposing the lie that simply saying "hey, I'm bad, live with it, it's who I am" is neither brave nor even particularly honest.

"Be Careful Out There"

2008-07-02T07:37:00.002-04:00

One of C.'s favorite shows a long time ago was "Hill Street Blues."

It was the highly-fictionalized account of a typical inner-city police station, a grittier "Barney Fife" and the precursor to "NYPD Blue." Each morning (the show only followed the day shift), the duty sergeant would brief the patrol car teams about the day's business, perps on the run, birthdays, departmental regulations, etc. Then he would tell his charges just before they got up to begin their day of boredom and possible death, "Be careful out there."

I was reminded of the show by a post from the lovely Marianne. It's a cautionary tale for all of us about meeting strangers for sex. The article is scary, because we all know the rules about protecting our identities, never meeting someone in a place where they can harm us, etc. Yet we all know, too, how we sometimes bend those rules. Marianne essentially gets raped by a man who won't take "no" for an answer when it comes to bareback. Though she has already had a long session of sex with the man, he won't leave until he pins her down and comes inside her without a condom.

I admit to loving bareback. I came of age sexually in the era when pregnancy was the only real concern we had from sex, and The Pill (along with other protection methods) made the unwanted pregnancy a small risk to run for the intense pleasure of playing 'natural'. Abortion was readily available, and no one yet knew the risk of PID (pelvic inflammatory disease), chlamydia, or herpes, much less AIDS.

All that has, of course, changed.

And I've written about that on numerous occasions.

My thoughts today run more toward the issue of control and submission. We like to "force" our partners into doing the things we like, or be "forced" into doing things ourselves. Women especially have come to understand it's sometimes easier to surrender to their own desires when they're "forced" or can say "I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing." Black-out drinking begs the question, of course, as to why the person would imbibe to such excess, knowing how it can put them in the path of sexual predators. Yet women feel such pressure to have sex on a man's terms, I'm not surprised they look for smokescreens. When I used to bring up our past adventures from BITD, C. would say I "forced" her to have sex with other people. What she meant by that was verbally "pressured." She knew I craved SWOP, so she was young and foolish and complied.

But I digress, and C. is not here writing this to add her own side to my "Rashomon" tale.

The plain fact of the matter is that few of us have totally overlapping sex drives or desires. The myth of lovers falling into one another's arms spontaneously is another fiction like never-ending bliss, or perfect monogamy driving us all nuts. Just ask yourself how many times you have to initiate sex vs. your partner? When the ratio gets out-of-whack, then trouble ensues. But in a "normal" relationship, I bet the majority of times the couple has sex requires one of them to start the proverbial "ball" rolling.

So how does this bring us back to Marianne and her vile bareback rapist?

Desire is the basis for sexual attraction (beyond the need to procreate or simply get one's rocks off). That attraction can be physical, mental, emotional, or a combination of them all. One lesson we've learned from BDSM, though, is that desire can often be a fiction or projection from within. Is C. the porn queen of my imagination and desire because she is beautiful and sexual? Or is she the porn queen I desire and project onto her? I certainly enjoy corrupting her, and the various "debased" things she's done in bed (and out) inflame my attraction because she no longer is the "good" wife and mother I have lived with since our children came along.

The concept of the "object of desire," though, is still too simplistic for us to grasp fully the notion of sexual arousal. What about the man my (once-poly, now mono) friend, Lizzie the Therapist told me about, who had been spanked by a big-assed babysitter for masturbating and who couldn't get it up for his beautiful, but small-assed wife? Like a smut film projected onto the inside of our skulls, desire is often a self-generated scenario, outfit, body-type or sex act that we require for fulfillment. Marianne's rapist was driven by the compulsion to subjugate and dominate her, not simply because he doesn't like condoms. I don't like them either, but I don't go around forcing my unprotected cock into the Strawberry Slut. No, he was projecting a scenario inside his twisted mind that required him to humiliate a lovely woman who'd chosen (in spite of her better instincts) to grace him with her nakedness and eager, responsive pussy.

C. is of the opinion that rapists should be castrated. Perhaps she's right. Yet the flip side to this is the conviction many women have that they must give in to their man's desires and needs. I'm not blaming the victim, either, though I want to tell all women (including C.) they must stand up for their own desires and stand down those that cross the line for their safety and self-esteem.

Even if it means we men are disappointed and pout.

Tits in the Mail

2008-07-01T07:21:00.000-04:00

I love getting mail from our readers.

I especially love getting mail from female readers of a more "revealing" variety.

I really, really love getting pictures of nice tits.

The other day, a reader sent me some lovely shots of her luscious melons with a pair of black nipple clamps attached. Sadly she's on the other coast, so I won't be able to invite her out for a drink with C. and me. I am relying on C. to find any new playmates for us, since my inclinations would be to men and couples. But in the interim, if anyone is interested in us, a good tit shot is a nice way to start!

The interesting thing is that C. would not want cock shots from male admirers. I don't know why it is exactly that men and women are so different in that respect. One reader is disappointed that the "to do" list when we were tagged is so different. One reason is that I'm much more open about sex and sexuality than C. is publicly. She would never proclaim her desires or her exploits, though she's flashed her body in public and had sex with others watching on more than one occasion (and not always with an abundance of alcohol). I on the other hand am ready to sit around and discuss fucking her with ex-lovers or anyone who will listen.

The fact that we're different helps us to avoid burn-out. A large number of swinger and poly couples seem to reach a point where they lose their way in the thicket of sex, either suffering a decline of their drives, or moving on to other relationships. Of course, the REAL definition of compersion is taking joy in the sexual pleasure of your partner with someone else. That's the REAL test of whether or not you're poly.

We've Been Tagged!

2008-06-30T07:08:00.000-04:00

The utterly charming Madame Butterfly (with a charming avatar, and not to be confused with the other slut, Madame Dragonfly) has tagged us for a meme. My answers are in black, C.'s are in red:

1.) Where was I ten years ago? June 1998. Busy raising two hockey players and a soccer player and deciding that it would be just as hot to watch C. fuck another man as it had been watching her fuck other women.
Busy building a business, raising 3 kids, beginning research into my family genealogy.

2.) What are five things on my list to do today? a) sex with C. and the Strawberry Slut; b) fix the ceiling fan in the kitchen; c) update this blog, d) write to the Little Witch; e) make some money.
1) working w/Tom to finalize the details of our latest business deal; 2) organizing my desk; 3) making sure the recycling is out for collection 4) filling out this meme as Tom asked me to do; 5) going into the city with Tom.

3.) Things I would do if I were a billionaire? After making sure my family was secure, I would indulge my passion for travel. Want to see (in no particular order) Berlin (again), Beijing (again), India (for the first time), Morocco (again). Give money to the right charity, probably one connected with helping women establish businesses with small, but essential loans.
After taking care of family & paying off my friggin' mortgage, I'd also like to travel - in addition to Tom's choices I'd add Italy, Spain, Portugal, Greece, parts of SE Asia and Latin America. I'd also give a chunk of dough to charity - would have to research where to give tho. And, finally, I'd re-do my entire house - from top to bottom - the way I've always wanted it to be. Oh, and did I mention new clothes? And cars? And a driver? And a full-time maid & cook? And a personal assistant? And a place or two at several beaches?

4) Three of my bad habits? a) wasting time b) Chocolate c) read too many erotic stories and sex blogs when I have work to do.
I have no bad habits, but if I did, they might be: 1) procrastination (which often works in my favor oddly enough) 2) reacting emotionally like the Italian I am; 3) liking to be on time & expecting others to be as well.

5.) Five places I have lived. a) a fifth-floor walk-up apartment on the upper East Side of NYC, b) a large three-bedroom pre-war apartment in New England; c) college dorm on the CA coast; d) briefly in Asia; e) the swampy coast of South Carolina.
1) Philly; 2) New Haven, CT; 3) Southern California; 4) New York City; 5) The Burbs

6.) Five jobs I've had? 1) freelance writer; 2) Good Humor Man (for a day); 3) Telemarketer; 4) Census-taker (yes, I was paid for the abuse of it); 5) game tester.
1) fast-food server 2) working behind the concession stand at a stadium; 3) postal worker 4) secretary; 5) movie studio executive

7.) How did I name my blog? A pun on Freud's observation that humans can be "polymorphously perverse."
I have no blog, preferring to hand-write my thoughts in journals (none of which have names).

We tag: Madame Dragonfly, Z,

Endings

2008-06-28T07:02:00.001-04:00

All blogs come to an end.

There comes a point when the story plays itself out, the blogger moves on, the book deal comes through, the book deal goes south. In the case of sex blogs, the novelty of writing about throbbing pussies and engorged cocks cloys, the marriage or affair breaks up, the blogger simply runs out of gas.

The latest to drop off the radar is Mandy.

My relationship with Mandy has always been conflicted. For one thing, her personality is so repellent to me: selfish beyond imagining for a woman who, by her own admission, is not a beauty; manipulative; cruel at times. But a helluva a writer.

Then again, my opinion about writers is low, including myself. We're emotional vampires who suck the blood from friends, lovers, family and strangers. I once had a fellow polyamorist cut off our email correspondence, saying "you only write me when you want to hear details about my sex life."

Not ENTIRELY true, but....

Speaking of poly, Mandy actually is a good case study in how NOT to practice successful polyamory. A self-confessed cheater, Mandy slept around on her mostly asexual husband for much of their early marriage, then finally confessed her predilection for multiple sex partners to him. Astonishingly, he agreed to her need to fuck around as long as she promised to stay with him and not fuck a certain individual.

Said individual being the man she refers to in her blog as Lover.

Well, I guess partial transparency is better than outright cheating.

Having her cake wasn't enough for Mandy: she intended to eat it, too. She and Lover conducted a passionate, often violent affair, but with a curious condition: Mandy could fuck anyone who crossed her path, while Lover was forbidden from fucking anyone else. For a long time, this bizarre compact held between the two of them, until eventually Lover became Ex-Lover and Mandy's world slowly started to come apart. For those who like their relationship writing about brutal self-delusion and indulgence dismissed with a belch of "at least I'm honest," this was the blog for you.

I apologize to this talented, if occasionally frustrating writer if I have done violence to the complexity of her tale. I certainly can't do justice to the wit and style of her prose, praise that she craves, but which she'd be the first to admit is expected and will win you no points with her. Anyone who has sold their body for money likely isn't going to be sentimental about such things, and Mandy isn't.

Asked why I single her out, it's because the level of sex writing on the Internet is so appallingly low. Besides sites like Clean Sheets and The Erotica Readers & Writers Association, good quality smut is harder to come by than wanking off to a good porn flick. So it's sad when a good one goes dark, as Mandy's blog has.

Name the really well-written blogs and you won't need more than a few fingers.

She promises a book down the road. If hard work, talent and a sandpaper-coated heart can make it so, expect a blockbuster that will make Diablo Cody look like a piker.

The good news, though, is that new bloggers spring up to replace the old. Roxy has a husband, a FWB and a shiny new blog about their experiments with polyamory. And did I mention a great pair of tits, if a little inelegantly displayed?

Sugasm #137

2008-06-26T12:31:00.000-04:00

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #138? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks

I can only be what I am.
“It’s strangely refreshing, to really submit and give up that control, and not have to make decisions.”

Over the Edge
“He tells me to hold still, in that soft, controlling voice of his.”

A Story Told Out of Order and Out of Character - Part 4
“You thought you could just come to my room and tease me?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
A former slut examined

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
2 Naked filthy bitches spanked, caned and fucked!
Beautiful Smile
Bedroom Radio #17: Pure Pleasure and i-Lube plus Listener Feedback
Free Euro Blonde Adult Chat Video
Gotta turn the naughty on -HNT
Half-Nekkid Fun With Mirrors
Happy HNT!
Mz. Berlin Has Never Looked Hotter Than She Does In This Collar
Mz Berlin, Satine Phoenix, and Hot Wax
Natasha - I want your sex
The Outfit Kris Picked
(Pic) fun at glory hole
Ron Jeremy sticks dirty fingers in her pussy

Sex Advice
Fundamentals of Edging for Newly Chronic Masturbators

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
My favorite shower: A Review
Pirate porn review
Puffy Leather Hood
Review: Cascade Wand
TES Fest 2008 - Celebrating the Red, White (Black) & Blue in Style!

Sex Work
Captain’s Log: Moondancing With Adam Duritz And The Dirtiest Girl In Porn (Yikes!)
Funny email
Happiness Through Porn
Princess Pussy Whipped!!

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Are You a Pickup Artist?
The cable guy, the guest and Me
Doing it DOGGY STYLLEEE……arf arf
From Tomboys To Fab Femme Girls-Talkes From Toronto, Part 1
How to Enjoy the Single (And Non-Dating) Life
I Think I Have A Crush on Lochai
The Other Woman’s Other Men
To be a woman

Sex Humor
It DOES all sound the same!
“My first time” in a men’s world

Erotic Writing and Experiences
The ___ ___ war
Anal Sex from a Female Perspective
Content
Let’s talk semantics
More Mayo!
Once Upon a Time. Confession #70
Professor of Sexual Education
Public sex
Sex, The Heart, and, The Body, Electric
Totally Tuesday

Sex & Politics
Are dominants really just chauvinistic, anti-feminists?
Believing the Victim
A Straight Woman Is Just a Sober Bisexual

BDSM & Fetish
Bath time spanking
Captive in the jungle
Catalina Loves Topping A Couple With Her Master
The Evolution of My Slut - An Update And A Chat With r
Fetish Friday - Watersports
i am my Master’s slut
Jude
The Lilith Obsession, Part the Second
A minor adjustment and an end to the torment (for now)
The Perfect Cure for Grumpyness
A sexual dream
Sgt. Major makes Claire Adams Submit and Cum on Backdoor Bondage
Twenty Questions #6: Dominate or Be Dominated?
Wild Weekend: Day 3

5th Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy

2008-06-25T03:47:00.001-04:00

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy V is up at Amber's!

There's a lot of blogs up that I'd not come across before and she's picked some great themes.

Go!

George Carlin

2008-06-24T14:44:00.003-04:00

I don't want to go overboard about the death of comedian George Carlin. It seems when a celebrity dies, we react with so much more shock and emotion than if some nameless little kid is gunned down in the inner city.

But there's no doubt the man had his finger on the emotional and intellectual pulse of the times. I'm not all that fond of "The Seven Dirty Words," as if potty humor was somehow the be-all and end-all of funny. Much more interesting is this piece on your "stuff."

Bareback

2008-06-23T11:00:00.001-04:00

Back In The Day (BITD), we never used condoms when we played with others.

STDs like gonorrhea and syphilis were uncommon and antibiotics took care of them if you were unlucky enough to get "the clap" or "syph." Chlamydia and Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) were virtually unknown, with Herpes hardly on the horizon. AIDS was unnamed, a rash, cough, skin condition or other problem lurking in the drains of gay bathhouses or in monkeys from Africa. When C. fucked Dieter, her only concern was pregnancy, her method of protection, the diaphragm, which men used as an excuse not to reciprocate oral sex. Nothing quite kills the taste of good pussy like Ortho-Gynol spermicide. Dental dams for lesbians? You're joking of course.

A whole world of change and many deaths lie between then and now.

Today unprotected sex with anyone outside of your steady is quite literally courting death. It's no longer a matter of "can I get used to a condom," but "can I trust this person?" Though interestingly enough, women still for the most part skip the protection when it comes to oral sex with either gender.

I don't intrinsically mind condoms. They have a raunchy, naughty "feel" to them, since nothing says forbidden sex like a sheath of Latex over your cock. After all, you wouldn't use a condom with your wife or GF would you, so a condom means adventure fucking, right? But condoms have structural problems, the most annoying being inhibiting sensation. A young man who gets hard in a gentle breeze isn't going to worry about enough stimulation to maintain an erection, and the first time I fuck you tonight, I won't, either. But seconds or thirds are more of a problem if a sheath is required. It's a commonplace among older men, even with a maximum does of Viagra.

It's even more of a problem with two women in my bed. Playing with the Strawberry Slut, I switch back and forth between the two pussies until it's time to come. After a reasonable interlude-- often spiced with girl-girl kissing, licking and orgasms-- I'm ready for another round. Sometimes that means fucking C.'s naked pussy while she makes out with The Slut. But the hottest way to get me up again is for S.S. and I make out while C. goes down on me until I get hard. She then likes to slip the condom over my cock and guide it into S.S.'s waiting pussy, then watch us come together.

It's not surprising the three of us have talked about doing away with condoms now that we play together regularly. The Strawberry Slut would like to feel me au naturel, and C. hates the interruptions required when I switch from one woman to the other, either taking off the condom for her, or putting on one for The Slut. Yet both women are fastidious about sexual safety, and until recently, "bareback" was no less as fantasy than my taking The Slut on a trip with me. She was seeing another man in a Long Distance Relationship, and he is quite sexually active, making both C. and I uncomfortable at the risk of his inadvertently giving the Strawberry Slut something unpleasant. The two of them were fucking bareback, so there was really no serious thought on our parts about going "natural."

But recently their long affair ended, and she is no longer having unprotected sex with anyone. It seemed like a good time to discuss the three of us becoming "fluid bonded."

The concept is simple: the three of us would agree not to have unprotected sex with anyone else, at least not without warning the others. Additionally, we would agree to tell the others in our triad if we had sex with anyone else at all. The Slut has recently taken up with a new man, but it's another LDR. So the time seemed right for the three of us to enter into this erotic bargain, or at least to test it.

Yet when I broached the topic with her (after seeking and getting C.'s blessing), she hesitated.

"I've only had unprotected sex with two men in my life, and I'm raw emotionally from the break-up."

I never thought about the emotional significance of bareback sex before. When C. and I were playing regularly with Mr. Afternoon Delight, I happily offered him the option of fucking C. without a condom-- provided he was willing to get tested. Since the three of us got together only during the afternoon, C. and I suspected he was secretly a cheating husband. The trio didn't last long enough for us to learn the truth, and he passed on the bareback option, likely because he didn't want us to learn his real name. Swingers almost always use pseudonyms, as we do, so this was nothing outside of the ordinary. Interestingly, he preferred to pull out and come on C.'s glorious tits. She and I enjoyed rubbing his cum into them with her going the rest of the day with that sticky "I fucked someone else" feeling and the smell of another mixed with her "come fuck me perfume." For us, bareback would simply be another erotic game we play, with no more emotional significance than her swallowing some man's cum or going out on a date alone. Anything C. does with another (short of leaving me) is simply grist for our erotic fantasies and pillow talk.

My guess is that "bareback" will remain a fantasy between the three of us. As often as we play together, it is still NSA sex for all three. The Strawberry Slut is looking to find the right combination of love and sexuality, exploring concepts like non-monogamy and polyamory, though her fluid relationship status could bring an end to our threesomes at any time. I now look at "bareback" with different eyes, wondering what implications the scary world of modern sex will bring to the conventions of fucking-- and trust.

How We Killed the Elephant in the Room.

2008-06-19T10:26:00.005-04:00

Sometimes readers ask how C. and I got to our point of compromise. The answer is complicated, but includes a lot of talking and patience. Communication is critical to polyamory working, in whatever form. Although I never sent this letter to her, it represents ways we got to where we are now.

Dearest C:

Sometimes it makes sense to compile a list of the pros and cons about a situation, and I've been doing that, reflecting on all the tension we've felt and the harm it has done us lately. Please read this as a deep reflection on the episodes of madness that have engulfed us. Since we no longer go to couples therapy, sometimes it helps to explore things and open up ourselves. I'm doing that to you, risking your rebuke and censure, but hoping you'll honestly look at the issues.

1 - Several themes keep coming up, over and over, and I fear they will only erode the deep love, passion and yes, respect we have for one another. So I'm asking you to consider committing adultery, to get back at your "husband" and entertain your biggest fan all in one.

2 - The "pros" include the chance to "stick it to me". I want you to show me up with someone else. I need and want you to take your pleasure outside of me. When you come with Mr. Hitachi, it is a liberating feeling for me, but also one of mild torture, knowing you've come without me. My seeing you come with a real someone else would drive a stake into the selfish, controlling, man that I can be.

3 - You can't tell me there's NO other man in the world you would find attractive enough to have recreational sex with. We both know that given the right situation, your body is going to take over. Why do you go on fighting this? Giving me what I want would take the energy out of the resentment and frustration that has often been at the root of my passionate anger.

4 - It would give you a triumph over the resentment you feel about my sexual nature. You tell me you don't feel resentment, but it boils over in arguments. Betraying your husband would "kill" the old relationship we had and prepare the way for a new one based on passion, and sex with others. You could even hold it over my head that you're going to go out and fuck someone else and not tell me about it! Can't we turn a source of anger and resentment into a source of sexual energy, release and triumph over our old selves?

5 - It would show you to be strong, not weak or lacking in self-esteem. Finding release in the arms of someone else would help kill your self-esteem issues. Let's give those self-esteem issues a violent kick in the ass. Simply put,you can't feel old and unattractive if two or more of us are excited by you.

6 - It would also free you of the guilt you feel at not being what I want. You are what I want; just be it more fully. Porn stars have sex with other people. Be that porn star for me, and let me be your biggest fan. I'm not asking you to have a boyfriend and complicate your life, just be a slut and let me enjoy that and be rivaled.

7 - On more than one occasion you've have asked me why I would want you to "prostitute" yourself by having sex with someone else. Because I find you ravishingly attractive when you are sexual and loose! I would prefer to have you used, to have you "dirty," to be second, to know that you can come with someone else, to know your cunt has been occupied by another cock, to know that you've had an orgasm with someone else. If that makes you debased, a whore, then be a whore and let's embrace my kink!

It doesn’t seem unreasonable at all to ask you to reconsider this, given that these issues have not gone away. I'm asking you to have pleasure, not do something awful. I'm asking you to embrace life with me, to reconfigure our relationship and strengthen it. I want to fall in love with you again and again and again.

It could be the beginning of a new era, a source of "pillow talk" pleasure for years (look how long the adventures of our youth lasted me), and a way to level the playing field all around. Surely you can find it in your heart and cunt to do this life-affirming thing for me, to me.

I love you,

Tom

Let Me Teach You How to Fuck Her

2008-06-18T11:46:00.001-04:00

Image courtesy of Suicide Pantystocking

It started with the Little Witch.

She asked me what kinds of things C. likes. At first, they were non-sexual. We quickly escalated to more direct matters, including what kinds of things get her off. The Little Witch is besotted with her crush, and wants to please her. Who am I to interfere?

Gradually it has morphed into an inclination, one might almost say fetish to provide instructions to potential lovers. After all, C. defies the usual expectations.

She's not all that into oral and rarely comes that way. But if you stroke her clit gently with your tongue from top to bottom (never up), she will purr.

She doesn't want it to stretch out all night, and is just as happy to reach the "happy ending" in a loud, crashing, glorious screamfest than to drag it out for hours.

If you have to say your multiplication tables to keep from climaxing, you're doing it the wrong way.

I enjoy seeing the look on other people's faces, especially men, when I tell them there are no restrictions from me on what they can and can't do. Hell, the purpose here is to please her, so why set up roadblocks to that goal? If she wants to suck your cock, then let her. She won't hold it against you that you're not going down on her an equal amount.

None of our female playmates has ever asked her (to my knowledge) what it is I like in bed! Do women just assume their male lovers are happy simply to be fucking them?

Record Your Love/Lust

2008-06-17T10:07:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch is smitten with this shoot from photographer Charise Isis from her series "American Stripper." As interesting as the shots from that series are, I refer you to her "Boudoir" option, which she calls "For Them or For You," and includes a private session to show off your sensuality.

A number of photographers have been documenting singles, couples and moresomes, often with hardcore effect. I heartily endorse everyone getting photographed naked. Naked portraits make an excellent gift. Besides, life (and gravity) take a toll on those luscious curves, tits and asses, so that someday you'll look back and regret not having a way to show off what you once looked like.

The same holds for men, too, though not all women would react the same way to a nude portrait from their lovers as most men would.

A Straight Woman Is Just a Sober Bisexual

2008-06-13T16:50:00.006-04:00

Well, far be it for me to argue with The New York Times.

A study of female sexuality highlighted in a new film says scientifically what many of us know from experience: when it comes to visual turn-ons, women don't particularly respond to naked men. When we were actively trolling for men on the swinger sites, the guys insisted on sending C. photos of their cock despite her asking to see their faces. Cock shots were the surest way to get blocked, and made winnowing out the losers that much easier. But according to this study, women DO respond to naked women.

"For heterosexual women," a researcher, Meredith Chivers, says in a new documentary about bisexuality called "Bi the Way," which was shown at the NewFest film festival in New York last Friday, "looking at a naked man walking on the beach is about as exciting as looking at landscapes."

Using a device that measures blood flow to the female genitals, Dr. Chivers showed heterosexual volunteers images of naked men in a variety of activities. The good doctor found the women were

no more excited by athletic naked men doing yoga or tossing stones into the ocean than they were by the control footage: long pans of the snowcapped Himalayas. When straight women viewed a video of a naked woman doing calisthenics, on the other hand, their blood flow increased significantly.

OK, we live in a society where naked females are used to pimp everything from pool car products to pornography. More interesting, though, is that these same straight women didn't seem to care about WHO got naked, responding instead to the activity at hand (pardon the pun).

Even more than the naked exercisers, they were aroused by videos of masturbation, and more still by graphic videos of couples making love. Women with women, men with men, men with women: it did not seem to matter much to her female subjects.

Oh, baby.

It's easy to see why. Our culture is awash in images of female sensuality. And I don't mean porn. Advertisers get it: if you want to sell women's products to women, you festoon your ads with pictures of scantily-clad females. The result has been a growing acceptance of female bisexuality, celebrated in the media and now even expected by young men from their girlfriends and hook-ups. Singer Katy Perry's new video with a pulsing dance music beat is called "I Kissed a Girl," giving what the makers of the film "Bi The Way" call the Whatever Generation the chance to re-discover "Bisexual Chic."

Titillation aside (and I will need to calm myself after writing this, since I have always been aroused by C.'s having sex with women), the more scientists look at bisexuality, the more they find real differences between men and women. According to the same NY Times article, researchers tracking bisexual men found their subjects were overwhelmingly more-attracted to men than women. For some gay men, bisexuality is almost a cover for their homosexuality. But the women they followed seemed to over time remain fluid and open to sex with either gender. Lisa Diamond, a psychologist from the University of Utah, tracked nearly 80 women who label themselves as "non-heterosexual," and her findings seem to show women more open to all possibilities.

In our own case, C. has over time cooled on sex with other men, yet is open to sex with other women. In fact, our new goal is to make her more the center of attention, even if that means hooking up with a woman who isn't going to have sex with me.

I'm easy. Watching is part of the fun. Any takers?

Porn Again

2008-06-13T10:30:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch likes a good virtual barroom brawl, and she's been tilting at RadFem windmills again. So much so that she's now become the subject of their tongue-clucking putdowns.

While not a disinterested party, I think the sad thing here is now feminists have fallen, once again, to bickering and back-biting instead of looking at their common goals (and common enemies). To imply, the writer and her commenters do, that attacking Radical Feminism is somehow misdirected or wrong, is simply missing the point of any intellectual discussion.

The problem also is that a number of RadFem bloggers make the assumption that they’re completely right and that anyone who disagrees with them is inherently wrong and even worse, evil or in league with the "patriarchy." The prevalence, for example, of bloggers who insist on approving comments before posting them (and usually deleting commenters who disagree). This post is based on a comment I left that "requires moderation." I haven't got the time or inclination to go back and see if the blog owner has the courage to put up someone who questions the premise of her identity.

I think there is a very interesting discussion about pornography and its influence, both positive and negative, on our culture. But when one side or the other shuts their ears to informed disagreement, that’s no better than fascism or any other totalitarian system that can’t stand up to an open discourse. Porn has changed our social mores and customs, though there are positive influences that few Radical Feminists will admit to, thus creating a gulf between their rather ivory-tower approach and the reality of single women and couples who enjoy pornography and its stimulation. The negative aspects of porn (distorting of girls' self-image, the increasing expectations for performance from sex on BOTH sides of the bed, or the coarsening of public discourse are overlooked in this arm-wrestling derby, resulting in a shouting match instead of a discussion.

But feminism's lack of traction with many younger women today isn't because of the continuing domination of the patriarchy. Women themselves are as much to blame for some of their problems as any institutionalized sexism. For example, the fact that women want to be able to move back and forth between the home and work, while enjoying the same pay and advancement as men (and those women) who devote themselves to their work is simply unrealistic.

And I think there's a good argument to be made for holding women who stay at home in higher esteem than we do. Should a woman be able to move seamlessly from work to home? Should we have more-flexible solutions to the challenges of raising children in a two-career family? We live in the suburbs (a well-heeled suburb at that), and the number of stay-at-home dads is still at the "curiosity" stage and not even a minority compared to the high-powered women who've given up careers in business, law and medicine to raise their kids.

The institutional challenges of this system are as much to blame as any patriarchy. I remember during the First Wave Feminism some radical thinkers who offered the theory that only when the state took away children from their parents and raised them collectively would:

1.) women be free to follow their careers
2.) attitudes of the next generation be cleansed of gender stereotypes.

Clearly this is a Utopian vision closer to Hell for most of us who've had kids (though I confess there have been times when I wouldn't have minded dropping one or more of my offspring off at the local government group home for a little "tough love").

The final problem, though, is that Radical Feminists are unable to engage more than their minority sisterhood, and their ideas remain squarely outside the mainstream. While it's possible Radical Feminism is an idea whose time has not yet come, it's just as possibly an idea whose time has passed.

Why Porn Is Bad

2008-06-12T08:19:00.002-04:00

I'm alone in sunny (did I say HOT) Miami, thinking of sex and hoping to leave y'all laughing if the "auto-publish" function of Blogger will work.

Bastards (and Bitches)

2008-06-11T12:24:00.000-04:00

This post by Marianne is a good way to open a discussion about bad boys.

I don't mean ones like me who enjoy sex with multiple partners and would gladly have anyone who's interested shag the lovely C.

No, I'm talking about bastards.

Men who break ladies's hearts.

A close friend was seeing one who was cheating on the woman he'd cheated on his ex-wife with. I don't have to connect the dots, do I? The problem is that she fell for the cad knowing he was, well, a cad. Seems that you girls can't resist a heel.

She's not alone. Another close friend has a LDR with a man who just isn't into her enough to forge a real relationship. He cares about her, but not that much. He's outwardly poly and looking for someone he can get serious with as well. She's smart enough to have put some chains around her heart, but I know she grieves inwardly for the loss of the love she's looking for.

Things didn't get any better when she fell-- hard-- for another man who is happy to string her along. He makes dates-- then breaks them. She texted me when he stood her up the latest time, and I got a bit testy.

"Why are you chasing after men who are indifferent to your considerable charms? He's bad for you."

"Je sais," was all she wrote back before going off to drown her troubles in single malt.

Our friend is pretty, voluptuous in a delicious way, passionate, smart and talented. She's building a budding career in the arts and should in every way be mistress of her fate.

Yet she's emotionally flat on her back about this bastard.

Caring is the risk we run when we play with others. There is simply no way to avoid it. At some point, you see the other person as more than just a sex object, which has been C.'s biggest fear: that I will fall for another woman. She can spare me for sex, but not for love.

There is also the risk that someone may fall for one or both of us. But given the climate out there, maybe my friend should find a nice couple to fall in love with and stop chasing after bad matches?

Female Desire Week

2008-06-06T15:19:00.002-04:00

Renegade Evolution has declared it Female Desire Week and Tom Paine is away so I'm doing it here AND my own blog. Why are we having this week? The short explanation is because it was noted that there are very few pictures of sexy men on sex positive blogs and websites. Here's the the long explanation. I will, over at my own blog, be doing other stuff for this week, including no doubt a bit of thinking about constructions, interpretations and expressions of female desire in a male-centric society. Collectively, the posts for this week will be pretty interesting. For here and now however, I'm just going to put up images of men I personally find sexy. Enjoy...

Jason Statham

EA

Kevin by Tony Duran via Violet Blue

Lee Latchford-Evans

Derren Burridge

Ted Hughes

Jason Statham (again)

Leyland Chapman

Jason Flemyng

Flying Solo

2008-06-05T10:01:00.000-04:00

Some of you expressed surprise when C. said it would be OK for me to see the Strawberry Slut alone. I invited The Slut to Miami with me, but she had an unavoidable conflict. It seemed as though our chance to play [i]a deux[/i] would have to wait. Then last week, C. got sick on the day the three of us were going to play. In an act of pure compersion (and to avoid a herky-jerky bus ride into The Big City that would've made her feel even worse), she insisted I surprise our girlfriend and enjoy the evening out alone.

It had been more than two decades since I last played out without C. To say that it felt strange would be an understatement. But I feel comfortable having sex with the Strawberry Slut, and so we had a fine evening together. Yet interestingly enough, we spent a good deal of the time talking about C. and wishing she were there. It's funny how the sexual dynamics work within a threeway sexual relationship. For one thing, it heightens my arousal to have the two of them playing. The banquet of sexual possibilities simply is enriched when you add another person.

And in my case, having to use a condom with SS makes it harder the second and third time around to get things working. Since I can bareback C. I can then switch to SS while they make out, quickening the pace of sex.

But there's a magic and intensity she brings to the bed that both SS and I missed. We ended up talking about what things we like with her. Strawberry Slut likes watching me fuck C. from behind, and would love to see her fuck another man (she has a friend who knows about us and wants to "borrow" C. for an evening himself). It's funny how her lovers enjoy talking about fucking C. I'm having drinks with a former "boy toy" next week to reminisce about our sharing her for an MFM.

I'd love to do another MFM with C, but she's no longer interested in fucking other men. Yet the scheduling of polyamory makes me concerned about our seeing only the Strawberry Slut. So I asked C. about it, and she replied she'd be fine looking for another woman for the two of us. C. thinks it's better when I do the hunting, because then the other woman will be into me, but hell, I'd prefer it if she brings home the prospect. If it turns out that we have a MFF trio and I only watch the two of them fuck (as I have done many times BITD), then what would be the harm of that? Watching two beautiful women have sex is such a hardship! And having her trolling for playmates is so hot. I hope she'll put up a profile somewhere and let me get hard looking at it....

Celebrity Crush

2008-06-04T10:00:00.001-04:00

The Little Witch is always asking me to do this or that meme, and a recent one was about celebrity crushes. Well, I saw "Sweeney Todd" this past weekend, and Helena Bonham Carter about stole the fucking movie. Or should I say, her tits.

They're excellent in their own right, but take a look at the pair along the right of this blog and you'll see why I'm so fond of them:

And HBC is another example of hot women with ugly BFs (I believe the term is hot chicks with douchebags):

Fourth Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy...

2008-06-03T10:28:00.001-04:00

... is up at Audacia Ray's! She's got some great stuff up and has introduced me to some blogs I'd never come across before (which I knew she would do!).

Some real quality posts, so go check it out!

Things Are Fucking Great

2008-06-02T10:08:00.003-04:00

I'm running a bit behind with real life, so let me just say what a great weekend we had. The punctuation on the time we spent together was a vase of two roses I found on my computer when I came into my office this morning.

So much alike, yet different. That's us.

And here's a nice video of a song that's been running around in my head.

Lasses with Lovely Asses

2008-05-30T14:43:00.000-04:00

One of the nice things about the blogosphere is the way some of y'all expose yourself. There are so many luscious bodies around, it's hard to keep up with them all. Here are a few of my favorites:

This couple is making their own erotic site, and the photographic effects are superb. The tattoo body art is also intriguing. Some women go too far with the tats, but RideFlame's shoulder symbols work well with everything. The photos of her with the sun and moon are by her partner, Dr. Kaligari.

They also understand that in erotic photography, sometimes "less is more," as in seeing less flesh and more technique.

Suicide Girls. 'Nuf said:

Someone sent this photo to me the other day with a joke attached. What joke?

Dirty Couple in VA are no more, but I scammed this photo from their "Tits for the Troops" series (which C. was in several times):

Michelle Aston makes tats yummy:

Another porn star that I liked before the Little Witch decided I should do her is Tara Tainton. "Tara the Tease" needs no more "exposure," since she's making quite the career as a fetish model and doing hardcore with her boyfriend. Too bad she isn't doing others, I can't usually get into watching a committed couple fuck for money (no fantasy in that).

The Little Witch won't show her ass in public, but will let us see her lips. She's often cheeky and never boring to read:

The Oversexed Englishman has some of the best erotic imagery around, tasteful and lustful without being gynecological and harsh. Not technically about him and his lady, his site has wonderful erotica published on it in story form:

And last, but never least, C. The only thing close to looking at her ass is watching someone else have fun with it....

Sex, Lies and Videotape

2008-05-29T15:10:00.000-04:00

The Little Witch got me to thinking with a heads up to this post about a woman who is thinking of leaving her husband because of his porn obsession. She also sent me the totally hot photo from the "Suicide Girls" website that probably has added to my interest in tattooed women.

Now, it doesn't matter, does it, that she stalked him to uncover his secrets? As if his wanking off to porn, or needing it to get it up is somehow her concern. Since when does marriage mean we have to live identical lives?

C. and I occasionally use porn to get things started, either together or me separately. It's not a big thing for us, because she has never been particualarly visual when it comes to arousal, and because both of us find commercial porn to be boring. But if I don't appear to be in the mood, she's not above suggesting "would you like to watch a video?"

The simple fact of the matter is that we all have differing rhythms and needs sexually. I have asked her often what she thinks about when she fucks Mr. Hitachi, and her usual response is vague or "I just focus on the sensation." Conversely, she's used to my talking dirty during sex about things she's done or I'd like her to do.

And while we generally share most things, I don't report every flirtatious email from an admirer. I occasionally will forward the transcript of a Gmail chat to her, mostly out of a need to keep her in the loop sexually and to show that this SWOP (sex with other people) is transparent.

Yet a surprising number of women are shocked, disgusted and even driven away by their man's need to see and wank-off to porn. Is it that belief we should be all things to our beloved? Yes, the desire to possess a lover can be so consuming that people actually fall into murder and suicide over the question of control. I admit that I was once so smitten with C. as a young man that I felt the need to have her all to myself. Yet for whatever reason, early on I accepted the notion of our stepping outside the boundaries of marriage's conventions to have sex or even fall in love with others. Originally I could not accept that other being a man, but at this point in my life, I prefer sharing her with others.

My goal is to be open about it. It would be easier to be conventionally monogamous or just break up. But we try to work out a "third way." Not exactly polyamory, not exactly swinging.

Asking for It

2008-05-19T13:09:00.001-04:00

Photo courtesy of this eBay auction

This post and comments got my attention recently.

The author purports to be upset about a phrase in the book The Ethical Slut, the Bible of the polyamory movement. It's fairly typical of those who oppose polyamory to say "I have nothing against polyamory, but." Her reply to my comment shows she has some major issues with her poly ex, revealing an underlying "bad faith" in the whole endeavor. While not the existentialist mauvais foi of Sartre, it certainly shows the author is not being fully up-front about the underlying resentment she has against polyamory because of a cheating lover who used poly as an excuse for his "bad faith."

How does "bad faith" apply to a discussion of relationships? The phrase, while not coined by the French philosopher, Jean-Paul Sartre (who incidentally had a long and tempestuous affair with neo-feminist Simone de Beauvoir), is different than the legal term mala fides, which has more to do with interference in a civil matter such as hiding the fact that a building was infested with termites at the time of its sale.

A good example of existential bad faith is to argue that we are not free to make choices. It's akin to saying "I have nothing against gays, I just don't think they should be allowed to marry" without telling your listener that you once beat up a gay classmate after school and still harbor anti-homosexual feelings. Sartre wanted humans to move beyond the notion that we're trapped by circumstances. In the case of relationships, we often believe we're trapped by our marriage vows, promises to a lover or even social conventions.

Polyamory is no "answer." But it offers those who practice it some alternatives to the monolithic models we see in the media. The challenge is to be transparent with lovers and/or spouses without hurting them or getting ourselves hurt. The process is a challenge of the highest order.

(I will be on the road for the next week. Perhaps the Little Witch will fill in with a post about other sex blogs? In any case, we're fine, just busy. Hope to have new adventures soon!)

Multiple Husbands

2008-05-16T12:03:00.001-04:00

Tristan Taormino's one of those women I'd love to meet. She links here and we link back, and talk about accomplished: writer, filmmaker, slut, whew, I get tired just thinking about all she's done.

And from that glamor shot above, I wouldn't mind meeting her naked....

This piece by her about the absence of multiple relationships in the media got me to thinking, sending her a virtual "Atta Girl!" She's right: with the exception of "The Girls Next Door" and "Big Love," there are few examples of people who have non-traditional non-monogamous relationships, and in those two, the guys are getting extra pussy while the women share one cock. It's not only so stereotypical of what men think, it doesn't reflect reality.

I'm not saying the media doesn't like multiples in bed. "Grey's Anatomy," one of the more-popular night-time soap operas, is working up a plot with two female doctors and the hospital's male stud. One of the women is already scared she might really be queer, and has been shagging the stud at every opportunity to prove to the world (and mostly herself) she's a red-blooded straight girl. Things took a mildly interesting turn last night when the three of them ended up in the same elevator. The other woman doctor insisted Mr. Stud couldn't handle a real threesome, and thereupon kissed her friend full on the lips. From the shocked look on his face, whatever had been living in his pants ran away like the baby alien in "Alien."

I predict the show's plot will bring on a crisis where the "straight" doctor falls for the "gay" one, and Mr. Stud ends up in some tepidly-amusing extremis of blue balls. Nothing delights the small screen more than portraying men as mindless sex mutants deserving a comeuppance.

But I digress....

As someone who's been in plenty of MFMs and FMFs, the truth of the matter is that few guys can satisfy more than one woman at a time, especially if she's reached her sexual peak. In my case, I've come to realize that I enjoy seeing the women I'm involved with having sex with others of whatever gender or combination. It's partly voyeuristic delight, that sense of being in your own porn film. But it's also about wanting them to be sated with pleasure. My philosophy for many years has been "she comes first."

I also find that it's fun sharing a woman with another man and enjoying each other's success with her. One of C.'s lovers reached out to me the other day, and even though they're no longer having sex, he wants to have dinner or drinks and reminisce about the good times we had in bed with her together.

Sounds good to me.

Is it a sort of displaced homo-eroticism? Testosterone-laden competition (he came with her three times one night, while I came only once)? Or is it any different from reminiscing about the big game or some great vacation? Speaking of vacations, I was teasing the Strawberry Slut the other day after she complained how she's been too busy even for masturbation recently. She's headed off to parts unknown this Summer, and I said we'd miss getting together with her for orgasms of multiple varieties. Not to fear, she replied, she had plans for naughty times while apart.

"Don't you want me to have sex?"

Absolutely.

Jealousy for me is being shut out of the action. Every few weeks over on one of the polyamory discussion boards I no longer frequent, there's a debate about "how much do you tell your lovers about what you do when you're not with them?" It's interesting, but most of those who insist "that's between me and each lover" are women. Is it because guys like to brag about their conquests, compare notes, or get off on the salacious details?

Readers?

The Weirdness of the Internet

2008-05-15T12:45:00.000-04:00

The Naked Little Witch

The Internet is bloody bizarre.

Who would ever think I would meet friends and lovers this way?

The Strawberry Slut decided she MUST meet us, pestering me to have coffee with her. Coffee led to drinks, some kissing and fondling, then dinner with C. and I. Now we're all lovers.

I've had dinner or drinks with Mandy, Lovely Victoria, Al-Addin Sayne, Adrienne Parker and even a brief, forbidden flirtation with Lola David that nearly swamped C. & our experiment before it started.

But the strangest friendship of all is with the Little Witch.

Living in a small village in the north of England, she and I exchange emails almost every day, often multiple ones ("little witchgrams" I call them fondly). She is a true friend who stands up for me (and to me), and whose occasional jealousy I put up with because she is such a good friend. Smart as a whip, stylish, intense, who would have ever imagined something so strange?

The Third Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy is up!

2008-05-14T06:35:00.000-04:00

whatsername the Jaded Hippy has done an amazing job!

She's opened with a selection of posts on sex: a variety of posts from tips on how to enjoy sex when you're on your period to sex and identity, and she's included some great posts about sex positivism and sex radicalism as well as giving a shout out to May Masturbation Month!

On the 1st May nearly two weeks ago Deborah Jeane Palfrey, "The D.C. Madam" was found dead. The news has been both shocking and very disturbing, and have provoked many posts from sex positive bloggers, particularly those concerned with promoting the rights of sex workers. Jaded Hippy has linked a few of these posts here as well as a wider discussion on sex work and choice, as well as some people's attitude's to sex work.

In the third section, she looks at porn and prostitution, ranging from comparisons between radical feminist and sex positive feminists' arguements to the ban of extreme pornography in the UK and many more in between!

The next section deals with priviledge and being an "ally". This month, there's been a great deal of discussion on race, particularly the reaction to illustrations in Amanda Marcotte's new book, brownfemipower deleting her blog and Black Amazon going private with hers, as well as The Angry Black Woman's Carnival of Allies. This carnival, the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy, is not specifically about race, however we both felt, as a feminist endeavour, to ignore an important feminist issue would be remiss (to say the least). So, Jaded Hippy has included posts on what is means to be an ally and how some Women of Colour view white feminist 'fuck ups'.

She then draws attention to 'breast ironing' as an attempt to reduce rape and control women's sexuality. Finally, she's collected posts about Sexual identity and LGBTQI issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning and Intersex). She highlights posts about the treatment of lesbians in South Africa and transwomen in sex work along with other excellent posts.

She's included a great variety of very pertinent issues and done such a good job selecting the best of the best. So go check it out!

Sugasm #131

2008-05-13T10:23:00.004-04:00

(photo courtesy of Erotic Garden)

Well, congratulations are in order to the Little Witch for making the Top Three again! Few writers on the Internet are as intelligent about sex and the history of sex as the sexy Ms. Shepherd, who is also one hot babe. And another round of "high 5s" to Madame Dragonfly for making the Top Three! She has really come into her own, both as a writer and a smut monger. I not only think C. should consider a waxing like the one described, but I'd be happy to explore either of their pussies with my tongue....

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #132? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks

Kink
“A bill outlawing the possession of “extreme pornography” is set to become law next week.”

M is for Mine
“You comment on my wetness.”

The Story Behind the Waxing
“I tend to go to people that I trust really know what they are doing when it comes to my pussy.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Keeley Hazell Regrets

Editor’s Choice
The sadistic impulse

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Being the Receiver…
Desperate boy.
A Parity of Madams and Whores
Trapped
You say trannyboifag, I say trannyboifag

Sex Work
At Least My Vibrators Don’t Judge Me
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Blowjob in the showers
Clarity
Drunk and horny
Flash #1 - Greedy
Two Minutes and 52 Seconds
Unicorn Sighting

Sex & Politics
Um. Pornography is in focus?

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Another Gratuitous Picture Post
Back with HNT!
Half-Nekkid at the Beach
Lilaceous
Mirror Mirror
Monica - Drop On Jacuzzy
Pornsaint Kylie Ireland
Strange Sex Fantasies
Teen bobs on Ron Jeremy’s cock
Video: Long Distance Lovemaking

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Catalina loves Melvin Moten, Jr. (An interview with the fetish photographer behind Erocrush.com)
If You Were a Sex Toy, What Would You Be?
My IMsL 2008 Trip – Part 4
The Sexiest Form You Might Ever Fill Out
Shall We Play A Game?

BDSM & Fetish
Cerebral Trainee Subject: Susan
A day of torment (pt 2)
Dining Table Punishment Spanking
Dionysian Tales
Harmony Rose Is Dominated On The Training Of O
Other World Kingdom visit - Part 4
Submissive Little Darling
The Submissive Male Construct and Nice Guys
Weighty Matters

Sex Advice
A Little Lesson on Figging…
Sex Dates for Parents
Vaginal Fisting: What It Is and How to Do It

Tattoos

2008-05-12T15:37:00.003-04:00

Before C. got her "tramp stamp," I'd never fucked a woman with a tattoo.

For one thing, they turned me off. I LOVE the female anatomy, and tats seemed both like too weird and covering up the natural landscape. There are still instances where it seems like too much to me, especially when a woman has superior tits like the model above from Naked Girls in Our Bed. The guy apparently talks women into posing naked and semi-naked for him, and his tastes run to ink on skin.

I've often wondered what C. would look like with a second tattoo. Hers is so perfect and arousing to me, it's like a second set of tits/cleavage. I look forward to the coming Summer months when she'll be wearing less and I'll see the tramp stamp more. When she fucks other people, I often look at the tattoo and wonder what their reaction is.

This isn't a great or wise post, and not particularly hot. But I would like C. to know if she's reading along how hot I find her. My travels lately have prevented me from treating her with the adulation I feel inside, and I want to make it up to her. While, yes, I do like sharing her with other men and women, I don't generally want to fuck anyone without her. Some playtime with the Strawberry Slut alone would be a nice diversion, but an MFM/FMF with her or even a sexy date together is where my heart (and cock) remain focused.

Eddie Izzard

2008-05-08T10:21:00.004-04:00

Last night we saw Eddie Izzard in concert in C.'s home town, and it was FUCKING MARVELOUS (and after we came home, there was some marvelous fucking).

He came right out at the start, no warm-up act, and riffed for nearly TWO HOURS. It was a salty, inventive, intelligent evening with the major part of his act about how he doesn't believe in God and the absurdities of religion: God as James Mason (and all the American presidents being his sons, since they were Masons), Noah's ark (a funny schtick about the animals going on-board two-by-two, but ending up with only the tigers and lions and elephants), Moses and the burning bush, dinosaurs, etc.

I can't replay the evening, but here's a sample of some of Izzard's thoughts on religion. Enjoy! Now it's back on the road again.